Journal, Marriage

Love Isn’t About Just One Day

Considering I was born in the afternoon, I guess today is my first full day of being 40. Yep, yesterday was that day where clearly I need to pack it in and get my shawl out, adopt 50 or so cats and knit something random. I’ve heard my entire life and into our marriage that my husband “has it easy,” because he can buy flowers for my birthday and they’ll last all the way through Valentines.

For the record, he’s very clear that isn’t the case…

But like most of you, Valentine’s Day, as well as anniversaries, birthdays (not just mine, but anyone, including his own), and most other holidays really fall victim to “what does the schedule say?”

For us, Valentines happens to fall at the same time every year as his yearly conference. Yep, right now I need to laugh and say it: my husband, a band director, is most likely sitting in a classroom learning how to score. Well, musical scores that is.

Therefore, we have to laugh it off and roll with the punches. Now don’t get me wrong. I love any holiday—Hallmark or otherwise—that prompts my husband to show his affections. But in between events, meetings, and all of his work in between, it’s really more about him “remembering I’m alive and putting in effort.”

I think sometimes it’s about being creative. One year he left me cards for each day he’d be gone, because our child was too small to even consider going amongst all the crowds. Other times, he calls and (thank goodness the miracle of technology) we have dinner “together” despite being miles apart (and get strange looks from passers-by). It’s these things that I take solace in, because while the “guys” might be snickering at his efforts, it’s clear to me that my husband puts our relationship first.

Other times we have to realize it’s about the celebration, even if the timing isn’t exactly accurate. So birthdays are postponed, anniversaries are jiggled around on the calendar, and we work with our families to make sure they understand that Thanksgiving = playoffs, not turkey.

For the most part, this works well, because it’s about making sure the moment doesn’t go unforgotten, even if it’s not celebrated on the day it should be.  

Finally, what about us? I mean, who’s stopping us from taking Valentine’s Day by the horns and owning it? Bake him cookies, surprise him and stay up late with dinner or even early morning hours with breakfast if it means making something work. Valentine’s Day is an equal-opportunity holiday, how about make it a little easier and alternate who takes the lead each year?

So for the Spring sports sideline wives, I’m with you.

Tonight might have you sitting in the stands and the most you get is a wave and a wink.  

For a few of us, a phone call might be the most we can muster by way of romance.  

For others, we may be showered in flowers and fanciness and that’s okay too.

It’s so easy to feel like what happens today is indicative of how much you are loved. But let’s all remember something that is near and dear to us—the score ONLY counts at the end of the game, and today is not the end. Each day we have a chance to love and be loved, and no date on the calendar determines our worth.

In the meantime, I’m drinking my prune juice while knitting a heart shaped sweater for my new cat Walter, as the first day of 40 was very tiring. Love, peace and trumpet valve grease, ladies – have a great Valentine’s Day!