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i married my coach during football season and it was wonderful

I Married My Football Coach in October—And It Was Wonderful

So you just got engaged and now you’ve been Pinteresting wedding Inspo like it’s your job! 
 
Okay fine, yes, your bridal board has actually been active long before you met Mr. Coach but now you’re Team Captain and you’re determined to get that W.
 
After sifting and sorting through pins for the umpteenth time, you finally decide that all of those dreamy and romantic Fall wedding images are it! You can picture it all: the light breeze whispering throughout the evening, the colorful leaves serving as a breathtaking backdrop for photos, and the sweet taste of the rich pastries the guests would enjoy on your special night. 
 
And just as you’re in the height of experiencing true visualization nirvana, a yellow flag penalty is thrown and instantly brings you back to reality. A little yellow flag I like to call, Football Season. 
 
As most little girls do, I always dreamed of who I would marry, what my dress would look like and of course, what kind of amazing party I would throw. So, If you would’ve told me in my single years that I would be planning my wedding around a football game, I would’ve laughed. 
 
But that’s exactly what I did. 
 
You see, where I live we get all of the seasons. This meant, my wedding would be any of the following: Winter and Wet, Spring and Sinus, Summer and Sweat or…Fall and Football. 
 
October 6th, 2018 was the date our venue was available so we signed on the dotted line and handed over one of our many wedding deposits. Soon enough, however, comments started rolling in like “In football season? Well, good luck on planning it all” and “You better hope you have a BYE week”. 
 
By then, I had been involved in a few seasons and knew what the whole Coach Wife Life would entail but I’ll be honest, at times, some of those comments hurt. It’s true, my life at that point had heavily revolved around my fiancee’s passion but that didn’t mean our lives together outside of football automatically became second string. 
 
In case you’re wondering, our team did have a game that week which also happened to be out of town. We didn’t have a dinner rehearsal, well, because of Team Meal. And honeymoon? Yeah, we saved that until the following summer…because we got married during football season.
 
Our wedding ended up being an amazing night to remember. Couples told us for months just how much fun they had with so much love and friendship in the air. They appreciated all of the details of our heritage, culture, and daily lives we incorporated into the wedding, including a handful of the Varsity squad welcoming our guests as Valet and traffic directors. 
 
Because I got married during football season, I know I’ll never get to celebrate my wedding anniversary with a spontaneous getaway or a romantic Friday night dinner. I know these are some of the compromises I’ve accepted in exchange for my Pinterest-inspired board.
 
But if I were given the opportunity to reselect a season for my wedding, I’d still choose “Fall and Football”. I’d choose it because no matter how the current season is going, my Coach and I know that together, we’re undefeated. 
 
So if you’re hesitant about getting married during football season, just know that there have been countless coach’s fiancees who’ve conquered the practices, the flowers, the games, the tastings, the clinics, the guest lists, the forgotten playbooks, and then some. 
 
Who knows, you may actually luck out on a BYE week or better yet, end up receiving a huge chocolate shaped football wedding gift from the Varsity squad, too. 
Dear Veteran's Coach's Wive Series

Dear Veteran Coach’s Wife: I’m Going Crazy On My Own

 It’s Monday, and we’re answering another question in our Veteran Coach’s Wife series.

QUESTION FROM NEWBIE WIFE

How do I deal with being home all the time by myself with just the dog?? I’m going crazy!!!

Going Stir Crazy

ANSWERS FROM VETERAN COACHES WIVES

Dear Going Stir Crazy,

Figuring out large amounts of time by yourself is a hallmark of the coaching life. When I was sans-kids I filled it with being in control of the remote, working out, and connecting with friends. When we had kids, I found other women who had coach/pastor/farmer/doctor/police husbands who also had weird hours. These women helped me remember that coach’s wives are not the only ones who deal with this. There will be days in your future when you’ve finally adjusted and may find yourself craving time alone when the husband, dog, and/or kids are home. It’s a season of life. Enjoy that puppy and all the interests you can pursue on your own until it changes!

Signed, 

Your Fellow Social Bug

 

Dear Going Stir Crazy,

Even though your letter was written when it was more difficult to get out and about we know that loneliness isn’t something that goes away just because shopping is more accessible. On paper, it sounds wonderful to have your days to yourself to read, exercise, and chip away at your bucket list. But, in reality, you can only clean your kitchen counters so often and your bucket list isn’t all that fun to chip away at by yourself.

You haven’t offered many details, so we aren’t sure if the hours you’re referring to are all through the day or after your workday is complete. Certainly, this will impact the number of hours you will want to fill each day, however, I want to encourage you to make sure you not to OVERfill your days. Soon enough the time will come where you will want to spend a lazy weekend with your coach before the next season is in full force again. Regardless, I’ve learned that it’s best to look at the empty calendar space as an opportunity rather than a burden.

For those weeks when the calendar is looking empty and you know you’re going to feel like climbing the walls try sticking to a routine. Create a plan that includes a list of things that need to get done as well as some fun things you want to do. Is there a new store you’ve been meaning to explore? Take time to grab a coffee and check it out one afternoon. 

If you have a lot of extra time on your hands seize the day! Do you love photography? Check out the local park district or community college to see when the next photography classes are offered. You will sharpen your skills and keep yourself busy doing something you enjoy. As a bonus, you’ll be around people who also enjoy the same hobby!

If all else fails, bake some cookies for the team. They will love it and your coach will know you’re thinking about him while he’s on the field. 

Every Season is an Adventure, Embrace it!

Beth Walker

 

 

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pre game wave coach's wife

Two Things I Love: Small Town Football and the Pre-Game Wave

However, there’s one thing that has always remained constant: my coach’s pre-game wave.

This tradition dates back to our very first season. Just as the kickoff timer is about to buzz, my coach will always turn from the sidelines, look for me in a sea of red and white memorabilia, smile, and wave. For my husband, I can only assume it reassures him I made it safely to the game. For me, though, it’s the gentle reminder that of all the places I could be, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than under those Friday Night Lights.   

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Dear Veteran's Coach's Wive Series

Dear Veteran Coach’s Wife: I feel like I don’t have control over my life

 It’s Monday, and we’re answering another question in our Veteran Coach’s Wife series.

QUESTION FROM NEWBIE WIFE

How do you deal with feeling like your life isn’t your own? I feel like my life is dictated by my husband’s and I have no control. I know I’m supposed to say God is in control no matter what, but I’ve lost my sense of self & identity because even the decisions I make to invest in myself have to be worked around my husband’s schedule.

ANSWERS FROM VETERAN COACHES WIVES

Dear Katie,

The first step is to stop fighting it. Accepting the fact that your life isn’t your own makes it so much easier to move forward, because then you can start to work with it instead of against it. I’ve been there. I wasted so much of my time and energy obsessing over the fact that what I needed or what was important to me was last place for every aspect of my life. It turned into resentment and that was exhausting. I had realized that I slowly chipped away at my things (and therefore my identity), because it was frustrating to hear that either I would have to do it alone or I would have to get a babysitter. I started always planning on having to take care of the house and kid stuff on my own. If coach could help, it felt like a bonus (and a quick vacation.) Then, I found things that were non-threatening to the schedule and I could do whenever I could fit in, like an at-home workout or church group where there was childcare. When I started doing things that might compete with his schedule, coach got involved. There were so many times when I committed to something and okayed with coach in terms of his schedule, only for a last-minute change to occur. Most of the time, before he even clued me in to the issues, he has found a babysitter, a friend, or a family member to watch the kids so I could still do my thing (and the stress of figuring it out was on him, not me). God is in control, but I can promise you that He doesn’t want you to be miserable. For me, I can now see that God had allowed my identity to be stripped, so I could build it back up better and for Him. It’s never going to be headache-free, but you have to find the things that are worth the headache and do them when you can!

Jess Gilardi

 

Dear Katie, 

Try finding something that is just for you; something that is your own that you can separate from your husband and his career that gives you value. We are called to be partners for our husbands, but not to be a servant or to forget ourselves for him. And remember, it isn’t a one-way street…he is your partner, too. Support for a new endeavor for you may look a little different coming from Coach than you expect, but it needs to happen. When he fell in love with you you weren’t a coach wife; you were YOU. It’s important that you stay in touch with YOU so that your marriage stays healthy and resentment doesn’t build up toward Coach. As with everything, pray! Tell God how you feel and try praying for clear answers and a renewal of spirit. You are fearfully and wonderfully made in HIS image, sis. 

Best of luck! 

 

 

 

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Dear Veteran's Coach's Wive Series

Dear Veteran’s Coach’s Wife: Is this Normal First Year Coaching Stress?

It’s Monday, and we’re answering another question in our Veteran Coach’s Wife series.

QUESTION FROM NEWBIE WIFE

Dear Veteran Coach’s Wife,

This is my husband’s first year coaching. I truly think he is having a hard time balancing time with the team & time at home. I am home 9/10 times by myself each night. The nights he is home, he isn’t fully at home. He comes in and lays on the couch, doesn’t help with the household chores, & just complains about being tired. He has no idea how I feel & every time I try to discuss it with him he makes me feel like the bad guy. I am overwhelmed, exhausted, lonely & just depressed. We are a long way from family & every morning I wake up wanting to live near my parents again so I’m not home alone all the time. How can I get him to understand that he needs to learn there is a time for sports and a time for home? And when he’s at home, he needs to be fully there?

Signed, 

Lonely and Exhausted

 

ANSWERS FROM VETERAN COACHES WIVES

Dear Lonely and Exhausted,

I could have written a similar letter a few times in our marriage. Coaching can certainly be an all-consuming profession. Especially if your husband is working with a head coach who requires a lot of hours or is trying to prove themselves as a first-time head coach. I know it’s an odd year and a lot of life is just starting to open back up. That seems to be complicating things in some states. I want to encourage you to try to use your short-term moments of independence to focus on something you’ve been putting off.

If you’ve wanted to explore a new hobby or take a college course now is the time to fill that calendar with things you’re interested in for you! Have you had a chance to explore the community? Are there evening classes through the local Y or park district that seem interesting? Don’t hesitate. There are so many online options these days between Craftys.com and Masterclass.com that you don’t even need to leave your house to dive into a new interest. 

After the season, take time to talk about what did and DID NOT work the previous months. When you both have the emotional and mental bandwidth to talk about solutions to connect during the season you’ll both feel heard. 

You ARE seen and heard,

Beth Walker

 

Dear Lonely and Exhausted,

We fell into the trap that coach always being gone was just part of the job. We both accepted it as gospel and didn’t even think to question it. Coach felt as the new guy or the young one that he had to prove himself, be in before the head coach and not leave until he was gone, and he said yes to anything and everything that was asked of him. And I knew no different. It wasn’t until we started a family that I began to push back, but by then we were set in that difficult to break pattern. Communication was key. While I wasn’t always kind or eloquent about it, once I started asking if it was necessary for the program or just busywork, did it need to get done ASAP or could it wait, change started to happen.

Coach was very defensive in the beginning, but I realized it was out of guilt and not a lack of caring. While it definitely depends on the head coach and time of year, coach learned to work smarter, not harder. With life changes (new baby or job change), we’ve had to continually communicate and adjust. I’ve had to accept that there were just some things he couldn’t get out of and he’s had to learn that there just some things that weren’t a dire priority. Now that he’s a head coach, he extends the courtesy of reasonable flexibility that we wish we had (or at least felt comfortable asking for) to his assistants. 

I’ve also noticed how big of a role nutrition plays in coach’s energy level. There will be no changing the fact that he gives it his all, but for him to have any left over for home life, better nutrition is key. I’m talking a lot less processed foods and more real, whole foods and not necessarily a type of diet. It will be a lot of work initially, but once it becomes a habit, it’s worth every second.

Jess Gilardi 

 

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don't devalue the sidelines

Don’t Devalue the Sidelines

Our family is in another season of newness. To start, we’re closing the door on middle school, and come fall; we will have two high schoolers in the same building as their father. We’ve also moved again. This is our third home in this same town. We have moved a total of 2 miles distance-wise more than doubling our square footage with each move, but this one brings significant change. We are homeowners again after a long stint. These moments of newness are layered on top of the world emerging from months of mandated isolation. I’m proud of our sons. At 14 and 16, for the most part, they are handling all the changes with ease. But then again, they’re coaches’ kids, and for them, change is as much a part of life’s routine as buying new clothes when they’ve outgrown their favorite outfits.

One of the interesting things I’ve learned about seasons of change is that while most people resist them, many opportunities are built into each season. Seasons of change demand a pause so we can regroup before forging ahead on a new course. By default, we spend time on the sidelines strengthening our plays, resting for a moment while others are on the field. We observe what we’re up against, and (as my husband is known to say) we make game time decisions on our next moves.

As we embrace the moments of change in front of us, it’s possible new opportunities we hadn’t previously considered will arise. We have the choice to lean into our strengths and gifts in new ways. In these moments, we can embrace how God may be calling us to partner with him, or we can run. One of my favorite podcasters, Emily P. Freeman, recently addressed her response in these situations:

“When hints of my own potential show up in me, I haven’t always welcomed it, but I’m starting to. And in recent years, I’ve done it more and more. And I have to tell you, it feels like waking up.”

In Episode 180 of The Next Right Thing Podcast, Emily goes on to say, “I hope we can all benefit from this reminder to pay attention to places where we’re afraid of our own potential and also to pay attention to our own voice, to how the spirit of God might want to move within and around us.”

As I listened to Emily’s well-timed encouragement, I was grateful for these few moments, and then a sentence stopped me in my tracks. “Second, there’s still blessing, giftedness, leadership, and strength all the way in the back, all the way on the sidelines and in the shadows.

There’s still blessing all the way on the sidelines and in the shadows? Frustration welled up as I pondered how Emily was devaluing the sidelines. Didn’t she understand all the work that occurs on the sidelines? Doesn’t Emily know how intense the sidelines of a game can be when coaches are working coach players to step into their full potential?

And that’s when I realized that Emily was referencing the sidelines as if we stand on the line alone. But here’s the thing, my friend, as a coach’s wife, what we take for granted isn’t naturally understood by the rest of the crowd. While many miss the work that happens on the sidelines, we know the truth. The secret to a team’s success often lies in how responsive they are to the necessary adjustments on the sideline’s benches.

When an athlete determines they will move in their own strength, gifts, talents, and timing, the chances of success for the team reduce drastically. However, when someone remains coachable on the sidelines and uses that time to study, rest, stretch, and ready their body for the moment, they are called upon to step onto the field, the whole team improves regardless of the scoreboard at the end of the game.

No one stands on the sidelines alone, and it’s vital for personal growth that we don’t devalue the opportunities that await us as we regroup.

You may not be in the same season of newness as our family. However, it’s difficult to deny that we’re all feeling our way through some sort of new normal right now. Life is going to look different in the months to come. We’ve been impacted by what we have seen, heard, read, and felt the past year. And that is a good thing.

As we’re released from the sidelines this summer, and into the fall, we will notice that some of our teammates have left the field never to return. The challenge was too much, or God has called them to pursue a different path. Some are running onto the field refreshed and ready to go. Others are looking for ways to linger a little longer on the sidelines.

You may discover that you align with new teammates now. Whichever camp you’re in, don’t devalue the time spent on the sidelines. The work put in learning, the time resting and re-evaluating goals was necessary and important. You learned significant lessons for a reason. Now it’s time to put your lessons into action. Step into your sweet spot and thrive. Your contribution matters and we’re here cheering you on when you need the extra encouragement. That’s what teammates do. 

Dear Veteran's Coach's Wive Series

Dear Veteran Coach’s Wife: How Do You Handle Young Kids During the Season?

It’s Tuesday, and we’re answering another question in our Veteran Coach’s Wife series.

QUESTION FROM NEWBIE WIFE

How do you manage your first football season as a new mom? I know I’ll basically be a single parent, especially with the school he’s at is over an hour away which means at least an extra two hours he’s away. Just feeling anxious about it all. 

ANSWERS FROM VETERAN COACHES WIVES

Dear New Mama,

First of all, you got this. Pioneer women ran a household of kids by themselves with no electricity, indoor plumbing, and God forbid no formula or disposable diapers while their husbands worked 18 hours a day… so in comparison, we got it good!

By no means are coaches’ wives single mothers; we are married to the hardest working men who work their butts off every day to provide for their families. But I think you’re absolutely right to mentally prepare to handle so much of the day-to-day like you’re a single mom because it will make you strong and help you to realize you can tackle anything by yourself. 

Now some coaching mommas will disagree with what I’m about to say & to each his own, you’ll find out what works for your family but for me, I say “load up the kids and go!” We handle football season by attending everything we can: practice, games, social events you name it. The absolute best part of being a coaching family is watching your kids immerse themselves in the program. Your child will live for seeing Dad on the sidelines and the older they get it’s so fun to see them develop relationships with the other coaches and the players. 

The newborn football season is the best, other wives will volunteer to hold your baby while you get to enjoy the game! You’ll spend the second season chasing the baby all around. I would much rather drive two kids all around the state then sit at home for hours waiting on Dad to come home. Plus, kids tend to sleep in a moving car and you’ll appreciate the silence. 

My last piece of advice would be to stay plugged into the community we find in Friday Night Wives. Every day we see thousands of women across the country who are killing it as coaching wives and mommas. If they can do it, so can we!

 

You can do this!

Jessica

 

Dear New Mama,

First, Congratulations! You’re already doing an amazing job. The thing you may already know about kids is that you can’t think and plan too far in advance. If you do, they tend to catch on and try to outmaneuver your plans. 😉  Just kidding….sort of.

In all seriousness, I understand the tension you’re experiencing as you anticipate all that this season might hold. But you don’t know what will happen. You may find that your child is an amazing sleeper and the drive to and from games is the best thing for him or her. You may discover that a routine that really works for everyone most days and the weeks aren’t as stressful as you have heard from other wives they can be. 

On the other hand, you may need to start looking for a mother’s helper in the form of a young teen who can come watch the baby while you get a few things done around the house. 

Remember that the season is only a portion of your calendar and it’s important to take each week independently with little ones regardless of whether your husband is present or working far from home. Kids rapidly change their preferences when they are young and we must stay adaptable as they are growing. 

Bookmark this post, To the Young Mama in the Middle of the Season, and remember you’ve got a whole tribe of women who are ready to cheer you on when you have a bad day. I say when because you will have them. We all do. No one is perfect. But having a bad day doesn’t require you to have a bad season.

From One Whose Been There,

Beth

 

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hell hath no fury coach's wife mess with husband

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Coach’s Wife When You Mess with her Husband

Most of us know what we want to do: use that big love to defend and protect our coach!

But what does that look like? Should we call out those who are actually at fault? Tell the bleacher coaches they have no idea what they are talking about and to zip it? Highlight the inequalities? Underscore the unfairness?

Most of the time we are silent partners in this deal, but we have to ask ourselves: are there times when enough is enough?

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what coaches wish you knew athletes parents fans friends family

Fans, Parents, Friends: What We Wish You Knew

He doesn’t have favorites. He’s not purposely or viciously not playing your kid. There’s more than just pure talent that goes into making that decision. Attitude and effort go a lot further than you think. He doesn’t have it out for your kid. He is simply trying to teach them there are consequences for actions and teamwork will always take them further in life than selfish ambition.

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Dear Veteran's Coach's Wive Series

Dear Veteran Coach’s Wife: How do I Develop Community on Our Staff?

It’s Monday, which means we’re answering another question in our Veteran Coach’s Wife series.

 

QUESTION FROM NEWBIE WIFE

I long for a close-knit sisterhood with the other wives on our staff but it’s just not there. We always have beginning-of-the-year get-togethers (with the exception of this year, of course), I have created a private FB group to try and generate a little camaraderie, and I regularly ask about caravaning/carpooling to games. I’m at a loss. We are finishing up our 7th season in our current job, we are quite a bit older than most of the staff, so, I’m not sure if that’s the issue or what?

Signed,

Longing for Sisterhood

ANSWERS FROM VETERAN COACHES WIVES

Dear Longing for Sisterhood,

Every staff is different from year to year and that includes the wives. Some years are great, others not so much. Two things I want to leave you with first; sometimes people are quietly struggling or missing the mark of connection. I have been burned before by others, pretty badly so when we join a new staff, I get anxiety times 10x. I worry all the time about whether not I fit in or if a person likes me. Because I am struggling, I tend to miss the mark of connection with a person. So, please keep trying. People like me need it. 

Second, I want to applaud your effort and encourage you to keep trying. Host a wives only event, my current HFC’s wife did this. We crafted team mascot door hangers. It was so much fun and gave us an opportunity to get to know each other without husbands and kids. One other thing I do to try and ease my anxiety and kindle friendship is I give all the wives a small gift. I am a crafter and make things, this year I made custom team earrings and gave them to each wife. It opened the door to new friendships and made everyone feel welcome. 

I hope this encourages you. Please keep trying, I know from experience that there is a person on that staff that needs friendship. 

Cheers, 

Stephanie Windon

 

Dear Longing for Sisterhood,

My husband has often said that the loneliest job on a coaching staff is that of a head coach. I believe the loneliest volunteer role is that of the head coach’s wife. The reality is that any way you look at things your husband eventually will determine the future of the rest of the staff. If your husband takes a new job or resigns then the rest of the staff may answer to a new boss, lose their job or get a promotion. If your husband isn’t pleased with someone he may have to fire someone. 

It’s a difficult balance with a dynamic where you’re interacting with the boss’s wife in any situation. Coaches’ wives who have been burned by previous coaching staffs are likely to keep their distance. 

Another thing to consider is that Facebook may not be the preferred method of communication. Try Voxer, Slack, or even email. It’s important to try to connect with people the way they are most likely to respond. Not everyone loves Facebook. 

Finally, it may be that while the wives are comfortable with you, there are some group dynamics within the overall group you aren’t aware of. Try inviting the wives out one on one to get to know them better. You’ll discover the things you have in common with each of them and they will see you genuinely care about them as well. 

Your efforts are to be commended, I hope the wives realize not all HCW’s care as much as you do!

Keep Going!

Beth Walker

PS- Have you read: Being a Head Coach’s Wife is Harder than I’d Ever Thought

 

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marriage support coaches wives

Save Your “No” For When It Matters

My husband began his career as a large high school’s Athletic Trainer and now serves as a middle school Athletic Coordinator. The high school in his cluster has many responsibilities given to their middle school coaches, including scouting trips, sideline responsibilities, game filming and more.

This year has been particularly challenging as the district opted to start a third football team for middle schools in both grade levels, adding another night when coaches stayed later and away from their families.

There were weeks when he had other responsibilities on top of just football, like PTA meetings and Meet the Teacher night. He tried to go cheer on other students at volleyball games and be a representative at Spirit Night fundraisers at local restaurants.

Sunday nights we usually had a calendar run down so I would know which nights we would even see each other before 9:00 pm.

Football season wears down even the strongest families as the weeks go on.

Months of telling your kids, “Daddy will be home after you go to bed, but you can give him hugs in the morning.” Making dinners while trying to help with homework and not just letting your kids zone out in front of the TV.  (Trying, not always succeeding!) Happy conversations when his team wins and frustrated rants when something just isn’t clicking and they lose.

Every once in a blue moon, my husband will call me after an event has ended and just ask if I am okay with him grabbing some food and perhaps an adult beverage with another coach.

Here is where I want to share a magical piece of advice that a friend shared with me. She told me that when her husband would ask to go out with a friend, she would say yes unless there was a really big reason to say no.

“Save your no for when it really matters.”

I do appreciate that my husband is considerate enough to ask, and most of the time, it is already so late that all the kids are already in bed. Sure, I miss him and would appreciate some time for the two of us.

But I can also sense that when he asks for this extra time, it is because he needs to relax or build up a relationship with a fellow coach. Maybe they want to celebrate just making it through another week or maybe they want to talk X’s and O’s. I trust that the men that my husband hangs around are good guys and I don’t worry about what they are up to.

Plus, and here is the surprising best part, sometimes it doesn’t work out.  There have been times when he texts me to check in, I say “Go for it,” and then he texts back to say that the other guys couldn’t go after all.

No criticism of their wives, because they may have had an exhausting night and really needed their husbands to get their booty back home. But then guess who still gets Wife Points for saying yes – Me!

My husband has learned that when I say no, it is because I genuinely need backup at home.

Maybe I am frantically trying to finish a school project that is due the next day, or I need him to pick up some groceries on the way home. There are plenty of legitimate reasons why it could be an “All Hands On Deck” evening at our casa.

The point is that we have that understanding between us. We respect that there are times when friends can refill your emotional tank, and as football season comes to an end I will try to schedule more of those opportunities for myself too.

It can be really tempting to be greedy of my husband’s time when I feel like it is already in such short supply this time of year.

However, the years have taught me that a coaching staff with great camaraderie is a special thing that can make the seasons better.  If an occasional night out is one way to keep it going, I am going to try to say yes.

I am going to save my “Heck no!” for the night when I am up to my elbows in craziness, and then thank my husband for coming to my rescue.

Are you a coach’s wife? Join our online community and connect with other coaches’ wives in the same season as you.

To the Young Mama in the Middle of the Season

It’s the middle of the season.

The excitement and novelty of a new season and new team has died down. We’re not yet to the playoffs when the whole town is vibrating with pride and bleeding school colors. District games are underway and tensions are high with so many must-win games up ahead. Your husband’s hours are getting longer, if that’s even possible, and your schedule is filling up now that school is in full swing.

Your evenings consist of taking the biggest to soccer practice and the middle to piano just in time to turn around and head back to soccer practice to pick her up. Then, the baby is crying because apparently she can’t feed herself.

Some days, you manage to make it up to practice so the kids can see their dad, even if it’s only from a distance.

It’s the middle of the season.

Game nights are … difficult. The kids are exhausted from a full week of school. Whether they make it through the whole game is a crap shoot and even if they do, their little sleep deprived souls will be in shambles for the rest of the weekend. You’ll be the only one around to pick up the pieces.

It’s the middle of the season.

The weekend comes. You get the kids ready for all the things: Big Kid’s soccer game (which never fails to be the 8 o’clock game… who schedules this crap?), middle kid’s friend’s birthday party at 10. You know you said you’d help out at that church event, but you realize by noon everyone is DONE. With fingertips full of guilt, you text to let them know you won’t be able to make it. Stop with the guilt. You’re doing the best you can.

Your friend calls you about joining some girls for dinner tomorrow night, but you don’t have money for a babysitter (“Yes, he works Sundays, too”). And even if you did, you’re not sure you’d have the energy to put a bra on, much less makeup.

It’s the middle of the season.

Your husband comes home after all the kids are asleep and tells you about how the staff ate lunch at Pizza Hut and how the team had a ping pong tournament and he and his partner won. He tells you about kicking that one kid out of practice today and letting another cry on his shoulder about stuff that makes your stomach hurt.

Meanwhile, you tell him about how your middle child followed you around the house all the ding dang day and how the baby smeared poop EVERYWHERE and you didn’t throw up cleaning it. #winningatmotherhood. You feel a little silly telling him about your day and wonder silently if he really cares.

Y’all give each other a tight, lingering hug. Then sit down on the couch together, turn on ESPN, and see who falls asleep first.

It’s the middle of the season.

And you’re lonely.

You love this season. But you also feel like your life is put on hold until it’s over because you’re too busy being everything for everyone.

You need help. You need reinforcements. You need friendship and companionship and just to feel less alone.

Oh, mama. You’re not alone.

You. Are. Not. A. Lone.

Coaches wives everywhere are with you. They are cheering you on and standing with you in your loneliness. They feel it too.

It’s the middle of the season.

And you might feel forgotten. You might feel unseen or unimportant.

You aren’t.

That coach, the one who is working so hard and so long, he knows what you’re doing behind the scenes. He might not say it loud enough but he sees you and he’s thankful for you.

And those other coaches’ wives, the ones whose kids are a little bit older, the ones who sit by you on game nights and help you pack up all your stuff afterward, they know how hard and draining it is. They’ll be there for you if you’ll just ask.

And those players, the ones you cook for and clean for, the ones you loan your children’s father to for a few months to love on, they may not have the words to say it but they are so grateful for the way you’re sacrificing for them.

You, sweet mama in the middle of the season, are not forgotten.

By me, by your husband, or by your God.

It’s the middle of the season.

Hang on. We’re halfway there.

You love this season. But you also feel like your life is put on hold until it's over because you're too busy being everything for everyone. You need help. You need reinforcements. You need friendship and companionship and just to feel less alone. Oh, mama. You're not alone. You. Are. Not. A. Lone.