Question From Newbie Wife
Dear Veteran Coach's Wife,
How do you deal with gender disappointment? We were desperately wanting a boy for so many reasons - I’m a tomboy, I think bows are incredibly ugly, hubby wanted a boy that he could grow up and play football with and coach him, I wanted a mother/son relationship. I thought that once the baby got here, the disappointment of having a girl would go away. It hasn’t and I’m still struggling with having a girl. It’s just not something I ever pictured or wanted. I sincerely always thought we were meant to be boy parents that the thought never crossed my mind we’d be destined for something else. God clearly has jokes. Have any of you ever experienced this disappointment?
I love my daughter but bows are ugly
Answers From Veteran Coaches Wives
My sweet coach was so worried; he’s the youngest of three boys and 110% male. When God gave us a beautiful red-headed, sassy girl for our firstborn, my coach was like, “What if she likes the violin and stuff…” I quickly responded - “Well I am not sure how she would fall in love with the violin in this house -but if she does, I bet you love the violin too.”
Here’s what I can tell you - She is a gift. She will humble both of you. You will marvel at her - no matter who she becomes.
Our little princess got on base more often because she had been hit by the pitch, was a tenacious point guard, a fearless base on the varsity cheer squad, and incredibly impatient when the other girls didn’t understand the rules of whatever game for which she was cheering. Her daddy could hardly ever say no to her and along with her excellent athletic ability, she was able to apply lipstick better than I could by the time she was two. God gave her to you; you will have the time of your life finding out why.
I avoided pink for years with my favorite redhead. I dressed her in baseball outfits, covered the snaps and hats with sunflowers or bows. She loved it, and we adored our ultra-competitive, never-say-lose, sassy, but very caring, fire-cracker.
Lisa Witcher aka Mamawitch
You are not alone and I applaud you for asking this very brave question. Stepping into parenthood is easier for some than others. Having a baby rocked my world and I’m not sure if the gender would have mattered or not. Some people take a while to fall in love with their kids. I like mine way better now that they are big kids instead of babies. I suspect you will like yours more and more as she grows up, whether she ends up being a girly girl or tomboy. I got one of each and watching them grow up eventually made me change and love them more than I believed even though I am not naturally “bent” as a Mom. Hoping great surprises come from the choice God made on your behalf.
He knows what He’s doing.
Children are one of the last mysteries on this planet. Rarely do we raise a child and find that our parenting expectations come true. I've never met a parent who says "Oh yes, my kid turned out exactly how I dreamed they would." In fact, my guess is that if you would think back on your own childhood you'd remember resisting your parent's helpful directions as you prepared for important life milestones.
We have two sons and even though everyone on both sides of our family determined before their births that they would play football both have actively refused to engage in the sport. Our boys are fun, funny, and exasperating. Just as teenage boys should be, and yet neither will follow in their father's footsteps.
We love them dearly. Now that they are more independent we also like them. It's possible you will find you enjoy your daughter more as her personality develops. My encouragement is that you spend each day focusing on that day. There will be many moments you look back on and realize they passed by too quickly.
God has entrusted you with an amazing gift. Enjoy her. She will give you many moments of laughter and tears. Every child does. ;) PS. I'm linking this wonderful post in case you haven't had a chance to read it yet. I hope you'll read "My Football Coach Husband Has Three Daughters—And What a Sweet Gift"
Hang in there,