For our husbands ...
we literally rush the field after a game to congratulate hard work paying off or to console by downplaying the impact of that loss on the season or morale.
we proclaim “their loss” when he doesn’t get that job he so desperately wants (and deserves). We say things like “it wasn’t your door” and “God must have bigger and better things planned for you.”
when our kids are upset or hurt that he had to miss another one of their things, we are quick with “they’ll understand when they’re older” and “don’t worry, they will forget about this soon enough.”
For our kids ...
we give chance after chance to get things right. And when they don’t listen and do it their own way, only to have it blow up in their faces, we don’t say “I told you so” (even though we’re definitely thinking it).
we say, “You don’t have to be perfect, as long you try your best.”
we say, “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Life is tough, but so are you.”
For players ...
when they miss that catch or that shot, we are the first to say, “Shake it off and get back out there,” or “Don’t let it affect your game, there is still time left on the clock.”
We preach that failure is the best teacher.
we say, “You can’t control the outcome but you can control your input and reactions.”
For our friends ...
“Yeah, that’s tough. I’ve been there before. You’ll get through it. This is what helped me in the time...”
We encourage other wives to get out into the community and to try not to worry about potential future moves. “Grow where you’re planted.”
“It gets easier and you get stronger. You got this, I promise it won’t be like this forever.”
But for ourselves?
We tend to forget to give grace and support to the one who needs it the most.
What happens when we need encouragement?
We rarely, if ever, celebrate our accomplishments or see all that we’ve managed. We are the last to give the credit to ourselves.
I’ve learned over the better part of two decades in this lifestyle that it’s not all or nothing. It’s more like a sliding scale.
Our roles on and off the field are constantly changing and we need to adjust accordingly.
There will be some years where you’re more in your career than in the field house. There will be seasons where you’re more at home with the babies than you are under the stadium lights. There will be days where you’re pulled more to supporting your kids’ activities than your husband’s.
But there will also be times when you can you be the coach’s wife you always imagined—at every game, knowing every players names, and hosting the best team meals.
So, while it is important to cheer for others, don’t forget to treat yourself the way you treat others. Give yourself grace, recognize that perfection isn’t the goal, and don’t ever give up.
If you feel like you can’t handle something, think of all the things you’ve already done. There hasn’t been a day you haven’t survived yet.