Coach Speak Decoded
When Coach says: Practice will be done at 5:30.
Translated: You won’t see him till 7:00 or after. 5:30 means they are through with practice, but he will still have laundry to do, injuries to check, discussion with the coaching staff & he may even have to mow.
When Coach says: I just need to drop this off at the field house and I will be right back.
Translated: Give me 2 hours because once I’m there, either another coach will be there to talk to, or I will think of 18 things I can get done “really quick while no one is here”. To keep him from doing this, send one or more kids WITH him.
When Coach says: It’s going to be a rebuilding year, or we have a lot of young players.
Translated: It’s going to be a long season & you might want to sit where the bleacher coaches don’t stir your protective instincts. Better yet, wear the shirt that says “SSSHH, I’m the coach’s wife” and dare folks to say something.
When Coach says: Let’s drive to (insert town that is at least 30 minutes away) to go eat.
Translated: He wants to go somewhere that he is less likely to get caught by local folks who want to discuss the most recent game—for the 100th time.
When Coach says: Our daughter doesn’t need to date that player even though she wants to.
Translated: I’ve heard him talk and seen how he acts; our daughter will not be treated well by him and then I might have to bury him under the goalposts.
When Coach says: I will get to it during the offseason.
Translated: It’s going to be a while so find a local handyman or watch YouTube videos and see if you can fix it yourself.
When Coach says: We have an AC guy (or plumber or mechanic)?
Translated: So you got tired of waiting on me to fix it huh?
When Coach says: I’m just going to break down film. It won’t take long.
Translated: Go have lunch with a girlfriend, get a Pedi and shop a bit. He will still be at it when you get back.
When Coach says: He’s had a tough time at home.
Translated: This player has a lot he’s dealing with and I’m worried about him. How do you think we can help him?
When Coach says: A game isn’t that long, it’s only 4 quarters.
Translated: A quarter is only 12 minutes so minus the half time show that’s less than an hour of time. Never mind the fact that a quarter of PLAY is 12 minutes total. He’s not counting the time outs, the chain moving, or injury time. I’ve never seen a quarter only take 12 minutes…EVER.
When Coach says: I need a favor, please. Note: This can also be: Have you left for the game yet?
Translated: I left my (keys, belt, game shirt, game shoes, etc.) at the house and need you to bring it to me, please.
When Coach says: I like seeing you in the stands.
Translated: He loves that you follow him, that you are there to support him and the after-game hug and kiss make the long day worth it.
It’s a unique lifestyle for sure but when you “speak the language” it makes things much easier in the long run.