coach this i can and can't promise you article marriage

Coach, This I Can (and Can’t) Promise You

Coach,

There is a lot expected of a coach’s wife and most of it goes unspoken. But with anything else in life, things get complicated when expectations are not clear. So, I wanted to help spell it out for you, just to be safe.

I can promise you I will go wherever you go, stay wherever you stay, and your people will be my people. I will put in the extra work to get our family settled and make the new place feel like home. I will be open and flexible to wherever this journey takes us.

I can’t promise you I won’t doubt it, complain about it and/or be about upset it. I can’t promise that the thought of having to start over again won’t frustrate me. I also won’t be able to stay off of Zillow, searching for houses, even with only a mention of a potential job opening.   

I can promise you, win or lose, I will stand by you. I will shout your praises. I will be proud to call myself the coach’s wife. And I will keep cheering until the clock hits zero.

I can’t promise you that I will bite my tongue or keep on walking when someone says something negative about you. I won’t stand by and let misconceptions or misinformation downplay all you do and all that I sacrifice. 

I can promise you I will always be your number one fan. I will do what I can when I can to support you and the team, whether that’s snack bags, washing uniforms, team meals, or keeping our kids quiet during one of your pep talks.

I can’t promise that I’ll be at every single game, always give you 100% when you need to talk over work things, or be fully present for you when things are intense at home or my work. And I definitely won’t remember which specific play from that one game a few seasons back you are referring to.

I can promise you I will wear your team colors, and even switch out my entire wardrobe to make sure it matches if the secondary color changes from black to navy (or vise versa). And I will cheer for your mascot, even if it’s something weird like a Buckeye or something made up like a Seawolf.

I can’t promise you that I’ll look good in it if one of your colors is orange or an off shade of green. I won’t believe an outfit is unlucky and should never be worn again if the team loses while I’m wearing it. And I might also slip up from time to time and shout out an old team name or mascot. A part of me will always be cheering for them (unless they are currently playing against you.)

I can promise you I will represent you in any and every capacity during the season, the post-season, the off-season, recruiting season, and any other season you need. I will be your stand-in at family functions and all the kids’ activities.

I can’t promise that I will always have a smile on my face about it. I can’t guarantee that from time to time it won’t wear me down. I might get a little grumpy. And I won’t be able to coach our kids in their sports as well as you could.

I can promise you I will only call you during your working hours if it’s an absolute emergency. I promise if it’s anything less than broken bones or damaged property, I’ll send a text.

I can’t promise you I’ll handle the problems with grace. I won’t be able to keep from being annoyed or inconvenienced when it adds an additional thing to my already long “to do” list.

I can promise you I will always be your safe place. I will let you say your piece and be an extra set of eyes and ears to whatever situation arises. Knowing all the people involved, I might be able to offer an outside perspective (or at least one with a little less at stake.)

I can’t promise that I won’t worry. I will always worry about you, the kids, our livelihood, and our future. I can’t promise to stay out of it either. I might have to get involved if I feel like I can help that family, that player, the other coach, or his wife.

If you’re good with my “can’t”s, I’m good with my “can”s.

If we can agree to these terms, I think we should be just fine.

Love,
Your wife

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