Faith, Family, Journal

I Was an Awesome Coach’s Wife; Then, I Had Kids—And That’s Okay

I was made to be a coach’s wife. Everything from the desires of my heart to my experiences and passions led to the season when I met and fell in love with my husband, who happened to be a coach.

When I became a coach’s wife, I transitioned seamlessly into my new role. I knew the Lord had prepared me for this. I did all the things my husband needed me to do in order to fully support his calling as a coach.

I took pictures, kept score, entered stats, built scouting reports, baked treats, cooked meals…you name it, I probably did it. I went to every game, scrimmage, and even some practices. By the end of the first week with a new team, I could put a name to every face on the team.

I took great pride in my role as a coach’s wife. Pouring into my husband’s career made it my ministry too. It was one of the primary ways I spent quality time with my husband, supporting him in his work, serving together.

Then the seasons of our lives changed.

We welcomed our first child. I still went to almost every game, but now with a baby in my arms, I could no longer take pictures or keep score. I helped with stats as much as I could, but our evening stat sessions were often interrupted to comfort a crying baby.

When that baby became a toddler, I found it harder to learn players’ names because I was too busy chasing a child around and protecting her from foul balls to watch what was happening on the field, let alone who was there, but I learned those names eventually.

Then, once again, the seasons of our lives changed.

We welcomed twins.

Suddenly, I was much more selective about what games I was willing to go to. I’m working on learning those names of athletes who joined our team six months ago; I still don’t have them all yet, and don’t ask me their position or hometown or what they did in the last game.

I still try to bake treats, but I only manage that because my oldest loves to help bake and deliver the cookies to the team.

My coach works longer hours in his office because he knows he won’t be able to focus on his work at home. On the occasion that he does bring work home, he’ll invite me to help him like I used to do, but I usually either have my own work to do or don’t have the energy to focus on helping with a joyful heart like I once could.

My role as a coach’s wife now is so very different from what it once was. We may not have said it aloud, but I’m sure my husband and I have both wondered, will I ever be the wife I once was?

I love being a mom. I love raising coach’s kids who get to visit the field and grow up feeling like they are part of the team.

But I’ve doubted my role as a wife. Am I still supporting and serving my husband? Am I still the wife he needs me to be?

I’ve wrestled with these fears, these concerns that I am no longer the wife he married or that he might feel I no longer support his dreams. Lies the enemy tells us to drive us apart. Lies to prevent us from continuing to make a difference in the Kingdom.

After wrestling with these lies in increasing measure over the course of these changing seasons, I’ve finally heard the truth so clearly: this is a season. This is a season, and I am still serving, still supporting, just in a very different capacity.

The seasons will change again when our kids are a bit older and start having schedules and activities of their own.

Then the seasons will change again when our nest is empty, and probably a dozen other times in between and a dozen more times after.

Perhaps someday I’ll again be the coach’s wife I once was, or perhaps I’ll be a better one. We won’t know until we get there, but the important thing is making the most of the opportunities we have now, so here’s how I’m embracing my role as a coach’s wife in this season of our lives:

  • I’m managing our home because coach has enough responsibilities and stress at work. I’m giving him the freedom to be present in his mission field as a coach.
  • I’m raising our kids to follow Christ. I’m understanding that my immediate mission field right now looks different than it did before we had kids, and I’m embracing that as exactly how it should be.
  • I’m leading by example and encouraging my husband to do the same. I know his athletes and their families still see us even if they don’t know that we see them too.
  • I’m learning to lean on the Lord for more and more strength in the midst of crazy and chaotic days. I know in this season I am learning lessons I’ll need more and more in the future. And I’m praying more. A lot more.
  • I’m finding new ways to connect with my husband. I’m learning new questions to ask at the end of the day to hear more and listen better since I’m no longer as present to witness it all.

I’m sure I’ll find more ways, too. I’m sure as the seasons change again and again, I’ll continue to find new ways to serve and support my coach’s calling in this ever-changing life. I just need to remember to keep looking.