Just like our brother Jonah, we go places we're not supposed to go because we're human and want to do our own thing. Discernment and wisdom are of God, and when we feel anxious about a move, it can be fear of the unknown OR it can be divine insight.
So if my peace is dependent upon my own performance, my own success, my own character, my own children, my own circumstances, then I will NEVER FIND IT. Because none of those things will ever be up to par. None of those things will ever feel ENOUGH.
For a Football Coach, this is his greatest fear. And today it came true on the anniversary of the biggest win of our lives. Today I join those who are hurting, confused, and lost.
We don’t have TIME for this struggle, too. It’s so isolating. It’s hard to find time to talk to coach about it—our schedules rarely sync enough for more than goodnight hugs and kisses. In the isolation our worries grow bigger.
Heading east on I-40, somewhere between Shawnee and Checotah, the man to whom I had given my heart and my word—“where you go, I will go”— reached across the front seat of our blue 1991 Pontiac Sunbird, placed his hand on my thigh, and uttered these words, “Thanks, Babe. People get divorced over stuff like this. I should have talked to you first. I love you.”
Your husband has been fired and where in the world is God?
He was there three weeks ago when my girlfriend insisted that I meet her. She told me about the BIOY (Bible in One Year) app that I would need to cling to. Every single day there has been a nugget of truth I’ve been able to cling to. The day of the reassignment it read, “Relax and let God be God.”
He was there when my husband was reassigned and one week later we closed on a house that we were way over our head in. The house had been on the market for 2 years!
He was there over the past two years that we have had a renter and not one thing has happened that needed a repair.
He was there when the inspection on the sale of our house didn’t call for a single repair.
He was there when my office is off-site of the admin building even though I technically work there. He knew I wouldn’t be able to handle that.
He was there when He put a coworker in my life who is a fellow coach’s wife.
He was there when I finally let my husband have it because there were some things that just “needed to be said.” I had pent them up because I never want to add more damage in the storm. Nonetheless, certain things have to be said when storms are raging.
He was there when on the day my husband’s replacement was named, a job came open in the town I’d been praying we would move to.
He was there when my sister showed up with pie and brightened the whole weekend. Pie makes everything better!
The pain is there. The hurt is there. The uncertainty is there. The shock is there. The embarrassment is there. I would be a lying fool if I acted like it isn’t.
But He is there too, just like he said he would be and just like he has always been. I just have to make sure I’m looking.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.” Isaiah 43:2
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good.” Genesis 50:20
You, my friend, are in the company of thousands of wives who have thought that very thing. It doesn’t mean you aren’t loyal. It doesn’t mean you aren’t supportive and it definitely, definitely does not mean you are a “bad” coach’s wife.
It means you are normal. And human. And loved … by the rest of us here in this strange little community of coaching.
It just means this life is really hard, so hard sometimes that the compassion in you wants to protect your little piece of the world from the crazy.
Thank you for understanding it takes time to get all this. The schedule, the time away from home, modifying our parenting, social lives, hopes and dreams and everything in between—there were many lessons and routines that weren’t easy to come by.