I have realized that I don't have to fill every second coach is working with things to keep them (and myself) distracted. And I don't have to fill every second he's home with fun activities to make up for all the family time lost without him. And I certainly don’t have to do all the things to let them know just how loved they are.
#4."Love rules. The purpose of discipline isn't to punish but to correct."
I had parked myself right in front of a broken cistern. I'd fill it up, but all my joy and peace and compassion still seeped through the crevices and cracks, until it was once again empty. I would fill my tank up and only get a mile down the road before I was out of gas again. I wasn't filling it with living water; I was filling it with muck, sludge, and junk. It was broken. I was broken.
What I love about “new team, new routine” is that it eliminates the obligation to do something based on the rationale that it’s a tradition. It gives me time to re-evaluate my coach’s wife resume as well as permission to determine the best path forward for our family in the year ahead.
There are so many amazing things about the coaching life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But, as our sons get older, I’m learning to create space for them to flourish, and right now that means working a little harder at the “non-coaching” areas of life.
Don't feel like you can't miss a game.
Guilt about missing a game is a real thing. I get it. I hate missing a game too. Being a coaching family is our life, and I feel like I am not supporting my coach if I miss a game. Here's the thing though, sometimes it's just too much. Some days, you might be completely exhausted from still trying to get the hang of having an infant, or your 7-month-old might be teething, or your toddler might have been throwing tantrums all day, and even just the thought of getting to the game is too much. Guess what? That is okay. Be honest with your coach about this, and learn the other ways you can support him – even when you are not able to be present at a game.
Create a prayer calendar with pictures of your husband's players.
On each day, put a picture of one of his players and make it part of your bedtime routine to pray over that player. Your kids will take ownership of praying over them, get to know them by name, and feel like they are a part of daddy's job.
What I do know is there will be many more days filled with tears as we drive away from the field. There will be many more missed moments and milestones that have to be sent to our coach via video. And there will be more days where 40 minutes is all we can get.
But there will be many more highs too.
Dear Coach Daddy, I know you worry about me. I know you wonder if you’re doing alright at this Dad thing, if you’re gone too much, if you’re striking the perfect balance between work and family. But I just want to tell you something, Daddy. I love that you’re my dad. I love running out …
But my Heavenly Father knew I needed this. He knew I needed to serve without receiving a “Good job” or a “Thank you so much.” I needed to perform without someone to impress. Without expectation of a compliment. He wanted me to learn to serve just for the sake of serving others and serving him, not self-serving.