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What Football Has Taught Me About Family

Yes, football and being a football family requires physical demands and emotional commitments from everyone involved. There are so many lonely dinners and difficult bath times. There are so many rushed labor-day cookouts and daddy-less trick-or-treats. There are so many tears from kids who miss their daddies -- and occasionally from mamas missing them too. Because there may not be crying in baseball, but believe me, there is crying in football. A lot of crying.

But most of those tears are the good kind.

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Dear Veteran's Coach's Wive Series

Dear Veteran Coach’s Wife: How do you deal with gender disappointment?

It’s Monday, which means we’re answering another question in our Veteran Coach’s Wife series.

 

Question From Newbie Wife

Dear Veteran Coach’s Wife,

How do you deal with gender disappointment? We were desperately wanting a boy for so many reasons – I’m a tomboy, I think bows are incredibly ugly, hubby wanted a boy that he could grow up and play football with and coach him, I wanted a mother/son relationship. I thought that once the baby got here, the disappointment of having a girl would go away. It hasn’t and I’m still struggling with having a girl. It’s just not something I ever pictured or wanted. I sincerely always thought we were meant to be boy parents that the thought never crossed my mind we’d be destined for something else. God clearly has jokes. Have any of you ever experienced this disappointment? 

Signed, 

I love my daughter but bows are ugly

 

Answers From Veteran Coaches Wives

 

Dear Disappointed,

My sweet coach was so worried; he’s the youngest of three boys and 110% male. When God gave us a beautiful red-headed, sassy girl for our firstborn, my coach was like, “What if she likes the violin and stuff…” I quickly responded – “Well I am not sure how she would fall in love with the violin in this house -but if she does, I bet you love the violin too.” 

Here’s what I can tell you – She is a gift. She will humble both of you. You will marvel at her – no matter who she becomes.

Our little princess got on base more often because she had been hit by the pitch, was a tenacious point guard, a fearless base on the varsity cheer squad, and incredibly impatient when the other girls didn’t understand the rules of whatever game for which she was cheering.  Her daddy could hardly ever say no to her and along with her excellent athletic ability, she was able to apply lipstick better than I could by the time she was two.  God gave her to you; you will have the time of your life finding out why. 

I avoided pink for years with my favorite redhead. I dressed her in baseball outfits, covered the snaps and hats with sunflowers or bows. She loved it, and we adored our ultra-competitive, never-say-lose, sassy, but very caring, fire-cracker. 

Much  love-

Lisa Witcher aka Mamawitch

 

Dear Disappointed,

You are not alone and I applaud you for asking this very brave question. Stepping into parenthood is easier for some than others. Having a baby rocked my world and I’m not sure if the gender would have mattered or not. Some people take a while to fall in love with their kids. I like mine way better now that they are big kids instead of babies. I suspect you will like yours more and more as she grows up, whether she ends up being a girly girl or tomboy. I got one of each and watching them grow up eventually made me change and love them more than I believed even though I am not naturally “bent” as a Mom. Hoping great surprises come from the choice God made on your behalf.

Signed,

He knows what He’s doing.

 

Dear Disappointed,

Children are one of the last mysteries on this planet. Rarely do we raise a child and find that our parenting expectations come true. I’ve never met a parent who says “Oh yes, my kid turned out exactly how I dreamed they would.” In fact, my guess is that if you would think back on your own childhood you’d remember resisting your parent’s helpful directions as you prepared for important life milestones. 

We have two sons and even though everyone on both sides of our family determined before their births that they would play football both have actively refused to engage in the sport.  Our boys are fun, funny, and exasperating. Just as teenage boys should be, and yet neither will follow in their father’s footsteps. 

We love them dearly. Now that they are more independent we also like them. It’s possible you will find you enjoy your daughter more as her personality develops. My encouragement is that you spend each day focusing on that day. There will be many moments you look back on and realize they passed by too quickly. 

God has entrusted you with an amazing gift. Enjoy her. She will give you many moments of laughter and tears. Every child does. 😉 PS. I’m linking this wonderful post in case you haven’t had a chance to read it yet. I hope you’ll read “My Football Coach Husband Has Three Daughters—And What a Sweet Gift”

Hang in there, 

Beth Walker

Why My Husband Isn’t Choosing Football Over Family

My kids aren’t leaving games wondering why their dad chooses this life. Football has been a part of their lives since birth. This is as natural and normal for them as going to school each day is. It’s just something we do.

My husband isn’t choosing football over us; we are choosing football with him. We are a football family. 

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The Motto That Saves My Sanity (and My Marriage) During Season

This week when I contemplated that phrase again, I realized that it comes with a great deal of freedom too. The things that are “up to me” may mean that I am going to have to complete more tasks solo, but you know what else? It is also up to me to be the one who says which things are worthy of doing.

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The Best Thing I’ve Ever Done for Our Family is Learn to Say “No”

I have realized that I don't have to fill every second coach is working with things to keep them (and myself) distracted. And I don't have to fill every second he's home with fun activities to make up for all the family time lost without him. And I certainly don’t have to do all the things to let them know just how loved they are.

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coachs wife friday night wives

To the Coach’s Wife Wondering if It Will Ever Get Easier

I had parked myself right in front of a broken cistern. I'd fill it up, but all my joy and peace and compassion still seeped through the crevices and cracks, until it was once again empty. I would fill my tank up and only get a mile down the road before I was out of gas again. I wasn't filling it with living water; I was filling it with muck, sludge, and junk. It was broken. I was broken.

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