What I choose to dwell on will dominate my thoughts, emotions, and responses. So instead of hopping on the roller coaster of preseason camp, I journal, I take a walk, I grab coffee with a girlfriend, and I talk about only positive things.
I have always found it frustrating to not get to where I want to be, with new friends, with the new house, in the new community, immediately. I also fall victim to always comparing my brand new beginning to the well developed ending that just occurred. I’ve learned that I need to be patient and realistic. It takes time to get where I would like to be, usually years.
And in a world, a culture, and an industry where women feel obligated to give until they break, I think that’s the best example of what any one should be, not just a head coach’s wife.
The sideline is also where athletes rest and hydrate in preparation for the next series. It’s the place where teammates encourage each other and minor injuries are tended. The sideline is a tremendously important place on game day. But most people only see value in the field.
Living on mission will require time on the sidelines on game day
It wasn’t that bad early in his career. But, several years ago we went through a couple of tough seasons and were (ahem) “not rehired.” That event took a toll on me I never would have anticipated. Now, I have to be very intentional about managing fear and anxiety during the season – even if the season is going well.
You’re used to a routine. And you function well with one, as do your kids. Getting the schedule every year and writing it all down in your perfectly picked out planner makes you feel at ease. You can control this. And control feels good. But now, it feels like you are spriraling.
It’s okay if you’re mourning the loss of something you’ve worked really hard for (like so many of our coaches are currently doing). You’re allowed to mourn.
So if my peace is dependent upon my own performance, my own success, my own character, my own children, my own circumstances, then I will NEVER FIND IT. Because none of those things will ever be up to par. None of those things will ever feel ENOUGH.
For a Football Coach, this is his greatest fear. And today it came true on the anniversary of the biggest win of our lives. Today I join those who are hurting, confused, and lost.
As wives, moms, and coaches' partners, we tend to lead busy lives. In the craziness, allow yourselves to be okay with taking care of yourself. Be okay with taking a few moments to decompress.
Force the wheel of chaotic schedules and unending stress to halt. Whether you vacation away from town or have a small stay-cation, find a moment to let the world around you continue without your family needing to be involved.
Some of us are involved to extreme levels—doing team laundry, organizing fundraisers, or feeding the team every week. Others are content to be at games supporting the team and pitching in otherwise as needed. Neither way of doing it is right or wrong.
We do all that we can to prepare, knowing that when the storm finally arrives, all bets are off.
I’m not minimizing the stressors of the coaching life. They are real and they can be unique and overwhelming. What I am saying is that pointing at coaching as the blanket scapegoat for everything challenging that happens during the season can put our hearts in a dangerous spot.
Hey Coach, I gotta’ tell you, the thing I’ve been trying to figure out
How do I keep my heart soft to love these boys while protecting it from the crowd?
We put our worth in what we do, our accomplishments, and the success of our commitments, instead of the things that actually matter. When we do this, we begin to miss what life is actually about and where true value comes from. We worship being busy, and eventually that will come to haunt us in one way or another.
One day, the busyness will start to settle down and we will look back and wonder how we did it all. And we will miss the days when we had exactly 12 minutes to scarf down a dinner before we had to leave the house.
One thing I've learned over the years is that, especially when kids come along, you need help – even if it's just someone to talk to about some of the "yuck" that comes with the season.
I coined a term several years back; I’m not proud to say that the phrase “mid-season meltdown” came about because I noticed for myself that every October I hit a wall. A point of no return would reveal itself again where I just couldn’t tolerate one more team dinner, or one more date night that ended with watching film, or one more night feeling that all my hard work keeping the house organized was about the blow up by 10 am the next morning.
But that phrase reminds me that yes, while I am struggling -- absolutely, positively, no-doubt-about-it struggling -- that doesn't mean I'm failing. I've gotten some points on the board. Not as many as I'd like, but some.