We love our husbands. No doubt about that. Still, some things can irritate and push our buttons, and when you are married to a coach, there seem to be even more buttons to push. For example, he says he will be home by 6:00 and walks in at 7:15 like it’s 6:00, and he didn’t call to tell you he would be late again. But, of course, had this been you, he would have had the police looking for you and checking hospitals!
Another common occurrence is when he’s forgotten his shirt, belt, lucky socks, shoes, hat, or needs something washed RIGHT NOW. It seems to be a never-ending litany of things that make us roll our eyes, grab what he forgot and run it to him at the fieldhouse. We are the finders of lost items and the keeper of them all. We each probably have one thing that drives us extra crazy. Let’s look at some of those.
My Mom shared with me about my Daddy’s whiskers. When he would shave, invariably, there would be whiskers left in the sink and on the bathroom cabinet. It drove her crazy and even though she asked him to rinse the sink out, he didn’t always remember to do it.
She told me that one morning she decided that she would pray for him when she saw he had left his bits of hair in the bathroom sink again. She prayed for health and protection and prayed gratefully for a faithful and loving husband. She began to resent those whiskers a lot less. And when Daddy was gone, she missed those symbols of his presence.
Then we have the “turf turds,” those little turf pellets that hubby brings home that get EVERYWHERE. It’s enough to make you want to hose him off in the front yard! But what if, instead of being angry that those little pellets are everywhere, you look at them as proof of his work with so many athletes. He’s impacting the lives of those young people and “leaving his mark” just like those pellets. Praise God for reminders everywhere that coach is working hard to make a difference, providing for his family, and investing in the future of young people.
Socks, my nemesis, is socks. Pretty much from day one in our marriage, my husband could not get his socks in the hamper. They may be near it or in the middle of the living room floor, but they aren’t in the hamper. So one invariably goes missing, so I have a bag of single socks looking for their mate and just hanging with the other “only ones” like a weird dating app. Plus, he takes them off so that they are inside out. Why?
When I take my socks off, they are right side out and ready for the wash but not his. I despise handling dirty socks and having to turn them right side out for laundry. ICK! I’m working on praying over those socks, praying a “thank you” that he is here, that he is working and that he is doing all he can to make a difference for his athletes as they maneuver through their teenage years and seasons. I’m learning to be thankful for dirty socks.
These irritations are part of being married to a coach. But in reality, there are always irritations in a marriage, coach or not. You don’t put two flawed, stubborn people together without having irritations. It’s how you handle things that determine whether those irritations become wedges between the two of you.
Sometimes you must have hard conversations about time away from the family or distractions that arise. As hard as they are, HAVE THE TALK. Don’t let things fester because when you do, small irritants become big ones; you look for something to be angry about. It’s okay to ask for help keeping things on track with your marriage. It’s okay to seek counseling to help the two of you manage changes, difficulties, and stressors.
It’s often said that “being a coach is a calling,” and that’s very true. However, you need to know that being married to a coach is also a calling. It takes determination, patience, grace, and most of all, love.
You two are making an impact, and although he may forget to tell you, he loves you for it.