Marriage

Wives, You Have an Enemy, But It’s Not Your Husband

Is your marriage hard? Like, surprisingly hard?

Do you wonder if you married the right person? If you’re cut out for this coaching life? Do you wonder if it would just be easier to give up, to start over? Does it seem like everyone else’s marriage is easier than yours?

I know why.

When you get married, you are entering a battlefield. But you are up against an adversary much greater than your spouse.

Satan hates marriage.

If he can destroy a healthy marriage, all the collateral damage is his to watch and smirk at. The effects of a failed marriage are much more far-reaching than just the spouses, or even the children. Its crumbled ruins tumble onto communities and schools and friends and faiths. From its ashes rise the lesser known Fruits of the Serpent: resentment, discontentment, anger, bitterness. It destroys faith in people, faith in marriage, faith in healthy relationships, and most importantly, faith in God.

So it makes sense, right? That it would be hard?

But here’s the thing about The Hard — the not-getting-your-own-way, the crying, the waiting up at night, the working through it, the hard decisions — it can be so worth it. Satan wants to convince you The Hard is the beginning of The End. But in reality, it can be the heartbeat of your marriage. It can be the part that restores your faith in changed hearts and transformed people — the part that shows you how awesome our God really is, that he might be able to refine and redeem even me. Even us.

God can turn The Hard into grace, compassion, empathy, understanding. He can use it to sand away our sharp edges and turn the ugly parts, the broken parts, the crusty, calloused parts of our hearts and make them smooth again, not necessarily new, but better — hearts that more closely resemble His own.

And while it’s not necessarily ever going to be easy, there are some ways to make it less hard:

Care more about your spouse (and your spouse’s needs) than you do about yourself (and your own needs). Deny yourself. Deny yourself. Deny yourself. This works really well when you both put this into practice.

Your spouse is not your enemy. So stick it to the real enemy by not giving up on your spouse.

If you keep complaining about what he/she is or is not doing, check yourself. Maybe you could change a few habits or do a few nice things first.

He wants respect. She wants to be taken care of. If there’s a vicious cycle of not offering respect because he won’t show affection (or vice versa) … find a way out. Quickly.

Prioritize. Your relationship with your spouse should be numero dos, only behind that with your heavenly father. Not your kids, not your parents, not your friends. Did I mention, not your kids?

Pray like your marriage is ending, even before it is. Like, right now.

Marriage counseling is not a last-ditch effort. There is no marriage that is too healthy or too dysfunctional for a third-party. Best thing we ever did.

Like all marriages, we’ve struggled. And we probably haven’t even hit the biggest bumps in our road because I know the warfare against marriage is unrelenting.

BUT, “…BUT thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 15:57-58.

.

.

If you are a coach’s wife looking for support and encouragement from other coaches’ wives, we’d love to have you join us in our closed Facebook group.