Family, Journal, Marriage

Your Marriage isn’t Hard Because You Married a Coach—It’s Hard Because You Got Married

“If only I wasn’t married to a coach.”
“I didn’t sign up for this.”
“This would be so much easier if he would just switch jobs.”
“He keeps choosing his career over us.”

Friend, your marriage isn’t hard because you married a coach.

He could change his job tomorrow and many of your problems would pack up and move offices with him. They might stay tucked away in the back of a drawer for a little while but eventually they’ll come right back out, needing to be addressed.

Selfishness.
Pride.
Neediness.
Control.

When we got married, my husband was a business major.

For two long years he worked in sales. He had flexibility. He’d rarely be home after 5 PM. He was all but guaranteed to make a very comfortable living.

And yet, it wasn’t worth it. It required lots of traveling. The extra time together often felt like, ahem, too much time together. But most of all, the job felt meaningless, so he felt meaningless. There was a weight placed on me to fill a void in ways I couldn’t. And we suffered greatly because of it.

When he decided to become a coach, we traded our old issues for a whole new set: the long hours and draining schedule.

But where I’d once seen a hollowness in his spirit, I now saw drive and enthusiasm. He loved going to work and felt purpose for the first time in a long time.

Were there growing pains? Of course.

I had to be creative to make up for the lack of time together. I had to seek and invest in friendships. I had to learn to ask for help. I had to apply for Medicaid and WIC because we couldn’t afford to buy groceries for our family of four. I had to grow up—grow in responsibility, independence, and confidence. And I had to give up—my pride, my own way, my time.

But it felt worth it—for him, for the athletes, and for me. I knew I had parts of me that needed to be refined, and if this was how God was going to do it, then I knew I needed to lean in.

Your marriage won’t be fixed by a career change.

The truth is, there is no such thing as the perfect job.

There’s no job, no career, no opportunity that will offer everything every family member needs because that’s not what we were created to be filled by.

So no, your marriage isn’t hard because you’re married to a coach. You’re marriage is hard because two sinful, selfish humans are attempting to become ONE UNIFIED UNIT. And this whole “oneness” thing can be a painful, ugly process.

We’re human. We’re punks. We need a God who can supernaturally transform us from the inside out so that we look more like him and less like us. Less like an insurance salesman or a teacher or a businessman or a police officer or … even a coach, and more like Jesus.

Maybe changes need to be made. Maybe priorities and boundaries need to be set or straightened or reorganized.

But also? Maybe your needs aren’t being met by your husband because they were never supposed to be.

The problem with your marriage has nothing to do with a job and everything to do with respect, love, trust, belief, commitment, honor, faithfulness. Figure out the real source.

Being married to a coach is hard, I’m not saying it isn’t. But it’s hard because marriage is hard.