Coaching Coach-Love Lessons

Coaching Coach-Love Lessons

If you are like me, you probably think your coach is brilliant! However, as smart as my favorite over-grown eighth-grader is at anticipating a worthy opponent, he usually fails miserably if I expect him to read my mind. 

And round-about week five or six, my “coach love meter” threatens to bounce on an empty tank, spelling disaster for both of us if I don’t communicate my needs with the boy who stole my heart over 30 years ago.

In the first 10 seasons, I figured out that waiting until I was seething with anger or just emotionally strung-the-stuff-out resembled the offense fumbling in the red zone during a game-winning drive in the fourth quarter.  A really, really bad idea.

Coach Speak

So, I learned to “speak Coach”. Our coaches are straight-forward with their athletes on the field. Thus, most of them remain very “coachable” if we approach the situation in timely, thoughtful, straight-forward way, but like the rest of us, they also need to know what they are doing right. We see it at practice all the time. A kid gets praised for running the drill correctly and redirected if he/she is incorrect.

This is the way our coaches’ minds work. 

So for every “coachable” moment (redirection), I also offer two praises.
Pick your mode of communication, a quiet spouse chat, a little note, a text message after some jolly exchange, and then convey what he/she is doing well, what you appreciate. Choose at least two actions or characteristics and be sincere. Share those two “appreciations” with your hunk-of-burning-love and then make a statement/request.

Since it is easier to see this tangibly – I’ve thrown together a couple of sentences. You can pick your flavor of compliment and the kind of attention you might need in the middle of your season. Or you can reword it so that it fits your needs, but a note might look like this:


“I love you."
"I love what you do."
"I love watching you in your khakis bump shoulders with your long-time coaching buddies and slap player after player on the shoulder pads, play after play, year after year.  Whether you are celebrating a great play or just piling onto the pre-game hype, I just love you.”


Calling the play

“Could I have some (Or I need some) of that coach love, my own kind of shoulder bumpin, pad-slappin attention?” 
“I need you to hold my hand like you did before we were married before I shared you with a locker room of boys. On purpose.”
“I need for you to put your phone down and close your laptop. Then while I’m wiping down the kitchen cabinet for the final time, would you approach me from behind, wrap your arms around my waist and ask me to dance? Pick one of our favorite songs and treat me like the girl you dated.”
“Could you bribe our darling children in that fun-parent way that only you can do and convince them to stay in their rooms at bedtime because you want to spend some time with just me? Then invite me to sit next to you so we can watch our favorite show.”
“If you see me looking all dolled up, could you please tell me? Just one, ‘Dang! You sure look nice!’ could get me through the last half of the season. (I realize you think you tell me this every time you smack me on the back side and tell I’m a good woman – but a girl likes to hear the actual words.)”



“Could you make (insert meal) for our crew since you don’t have film on Saturday?”
“Honey, could I stay in bed while you run into town to grab me a Sonic Diet Coke with Lime (insert drink of choice)?”
“Since you don’t have film, could you take the kids?” (I know we shouldn’t have to arrange this – but I never figured that out.)(Also, this one may take a good 6 or 7-day notice.)
If you like high school ball (and the HC is cool with it):
“Take me with you Friday night to scout. I want to sit by you in the stands beneath a blanket and listen to you talk about this opponent.”
Our guys like to know we are proud of them, that we value what they love, but they may need help loving us well. If I ask my big lug to dance with me, he knows, albeit reluctantly, that I’m running low. During a stressful season, he can be a selfish, egotistical, big, stinkin' neanderthal, but if he knows mama is about to be unhappy, he quickly calls an audible that works every time. He picks up my hand, draws it close to his mouth and offers it the warmth of his kiss. And girls – then I am just buddah. (that’s butter – but better).
Every game has game plan – don’t leave yours up to chance. Call the ball. Give him a chance to do something small that tells you he loves you, big.
#golighttheworld #fridaynightwives #coachwifelife #lovelessons #gridirongirl
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