• "It is not your husband's responsibility to fill your cup—that role belongs to God alone. When you place Him at the center of your heart, He will provide all you need. From that place of fullness, enjoy your husband and joyfully serving alongside him." -Marlee

• “Watch your husband on Friday nights, don’t watch the game. Seeing his love and excitement for the game and his players is what finally made me take a step back. Each season is hard, but he’s doing something he loves, and to love my husband is to accept this stage of our lives!” -Amanda
  
• “Look to God to meet your needs, not your husband. Pray for him and pray for wisdom to see how this challenging season is designed by God to make you better. All things are weaved into our lives to make us better and the person we were meant to be.” - Ashley 

• “I think the best way to get over resentment is to talk to him about it. But in a way that isn’t blaming him so that he doesn’t get defensive or feel guilty, and then shut down. I had to learn to say, “I want to tell you what I’m feeling or experiencing, but I don’t want you to think I’m mad at you or blaming you.” It is weird because it is his and the job’s fault. But I had to reach a point of realization that if I’m going to be his wife, this is just what comes with it. But being able to talk to him about it without the backlash of guilt really helped me a lot. I was able to vent and let him know where I was at. And he started doing things that also helped. Sometimes it was just a “That sucks. I’m sorry.” Which was validating. Sometimes he’d think twice and maybe push a meeting if he could or rearrange something to be able to help. When there wasn’t anything he could do and I was struggling, he’d get me a babysitter. All that to say, being able to communicate can cut down on the resentment and then opened him up to trying harder, which helped even more.” -Jess

• “I like to weigh the resentments , I get tired and overwhelmed but I know he’s fulfilling his dream , and I would want the same support in return. However, If I made him quit or didn’t support him, the alternative is he could resent me for never letting him try. It’s tough, but goes fast, hang in there!🫶🏻”-Erin

• “You are his “why”, but coaching is his “how”. In the moments it seems that he is never there, remember that he is doing this for you and your family. He is pouring his heart and soul into coaching, doing what he loves to show up and support your family.” -Ashley

• “The biggest thing that helped me was realizing that I had to be very communicative about what I needed. His attention is already taxed so he isn’t going to see the things that need to be done or feelings that are being felt.” - Megan
  
• “Pray for your husband. Serve him and spend intentional time with him when you can!” -Brittain 

• I’m a BIG believer that community is built in the off season. Take it easy on staff gatherings during the season. Our schedules are already packed during the season. It could add stress or take moments away that could be spent as a core family.  I preach to hang out and do fun things outside of the season! -Carley

• We get together as families after every game.  We rotate who hosts or provides food. All us have had kids from newborn to marriage age.... we understand crabby, tired, hot, bored, etc.  After every game, all the families get together for awhile.  Sometimes people stay 30 minutes; sometimes they stay 2 hours.   I go to bed once all the moms and kids leave.  Guys can stay as late as they want! -Traci

• I am doing a preseason craft night! Hosting at my house, everyone bring a dip and I’ll make a board. But we will be making a wreath for our doors in our school colors! - Stephanie

• Start a group text, preseason get together, I’ve tried to do little gifts and always invite to have a planned area to sit in for games. -Amy
  
• Having a pre-season coach’s get together, quarterback club gives each wife and their family seats in the reserved section, and I give gifts to let them know I get it and to let them know I’m there for anything! - Tasha
  
• I do a yearly preseason brunch. They pay their own way but I buy the mimosas! I give each one a little gift. It’s my favorite thing! We have a group chat and I always sit at the top of the 50yrd line and invite them to always meet me there each game so no one has to sit alone! But I also feel like that the biggest connections are made in doing a few get together throughout the year! -Lindsey
  
• Try and get to know the wives individually and then together. Go out to coffee/lunch/dinner/walk with each wife individually in the off season if possible. Then plan a few get togethers in the off season when people are less busy and its easier to get together. Just be low key and understanding. Not everyone has room in their life or wants to be involved in a community of the wives and that’s okay. Try not to take it personally and be grateful for the wives that are. - Ashley 

BONUS:

• Have small get togethers. Ex: craft night, game night, dinner
• Sit together!
• "Family dinner" with coaching after either a week night or after home games.
•  Host a wives brunch before the season starts
• Have a football family party, meet before games for din/drinks
• Create a group text, have a preseason wives meet up, Do The Reach from Coaches Outreach 
• Day/night out & tailgate at games
• meet up for coffee/walks/ playdates with the kids

• Take it one day at a time. Make the best of the season, even when it gets rough. Take time to talk to your coach, even if it 10 minutes after long practices or games days. Make friends with other coaches wives, having a support system that can relate is BIG. And most of all give yourself grace, it’s okay to sometimes not love our coaches jobs. - Lizette 
  
• It doesn't have to be perfect. You don't have to go to every peprally, varsity game, jv game, jh game. You don't have to be at every picture poster taking, team meal eating, snack bag making, noise maker creating party that's out there. You can serve ice cream and cinnamon rolls for dinner occasionally because you didn't get to the store. It will be okay. Life will go on. Enjoy the ride because it will be over in the blink of an eye. ❤️ 🏉 -Leah

• You don’t have to sit in the stands. (It’s getting harder to sit with the parents.) You don’t have to impress anyone. You’re not hosting this party! Football should be fun! Keep perspective! - Stacey 

• Go early and see dad before game time, and leave early if you need to! Get an NFHS subscription and watch from home sometimes. Lay out pajamas for your littles before you go to the game. Just roll with it and have fun! You’re not there to impress anybody. ❤️ - Mallory

• With small kids: remember the first game is a trial run. There will problems and kinks in the night, but you can fix those for the following week. Don’t let the night falling apart keep you from going in the future. Each week gets a little better (not necessarily easier) and you learn from the week before. - Rebekah

• Soak it up, enjoy every moment you can! ❤️ 🎉 It’s true that “the days are long but the years are short.” On the far side of it, you will look back with so many fond memories and most of the bad ones will have faded. So, don’t let a hard season or tough crowd get you down. Find the joy and live in it. 🥰 -Jamie

• I love football and I’m at every game…..BUT my kids are older so that allows me to go and support and enjoy!  Remember you can support in a lot of ways besides going to the game!!!  But one thing to reminder and I know all men are not like this but after the game my husband loves to find me to love on, vent to and/or talk to.  If that’s your husband getting a babysitter for some Friday nights or every Friday night is not a bad thing!!!! -Randi
  
• Anxious may not be the word for me this year but EMOTIONAL is!!!   My twins are seniors and their big sister is moving off to college.    I’ve always been ALL-IN but this year will be the ultimate!!!   I can’t stop it from ending (and coach will still be coaching once the kiddos graduate and I’ll still be the teams biggest fan).   But I VOW to take it all in!!   All the moments.  Cry. Laugh.  Cheer and yell!!    I am SO fired up!!!!! That was more of a statement than advice 🤣🤣 Our coaching journey has been amazing and at times literally gut wrenching!!!!   If you haven’t already - read Mel Robbins “let them”.   It’s an awesome read. - Laurie

BOUNS:

• Plan a day for yourself (A GOOD ONE) for the bye week. Have something on the horizon.
• Start making a list!! Get your bag ready early 
• It’s okay if you don’t have a cute fit for every Friday night
• control the controllable. And remember you will miss the chaos when the season ends 
• Give it to God🩵
• Take a deep breath. We chose this life. Enjoy it when you can and rest when you can!
• Hudl and cuddle!!
• Build relationships with other wives to help with travel to games and taking care of kiddo
• Freezer Meal prep helps so much during the season, constant prayer for the season
• Plan ahead to make things as easy as possible
• Let the little things go! The house doesn’t have to be clean all the time. Prioritize rest over perfection 
• Remember the bigger picture of the ministry of coaching
• Wins and Losses do not define you or a season, they just don't
• Schedule rest! Set reminders to rest to help with burnout. You got this!
• This is YOUR ministry. To support him so that he can impact 100s of lives each season. You are doing this for the glory of God. Write that down for the times you forget!

Grace is your best friend. It can feel chaotic and lonely at times, but the journey will be more rewarding than you can imagine. ⁃Brittani 

Find ways you can plug into helping the team (I love helping the team, but it’s also a way I can see my husband for a quick 10 seconds during camp weeks) This time is chaotic, but find joy where you can! 

Dates during this season look different, but try to find ways to connect (my husband and I find that eating lunch together keeps us connected during the season- and when we can’t do that, I send him random texts through the day telling him how much I love him- it’s simple, but I know he appreciates it deeply.) 

Systems will be your best friend! I’ve found that keeping up on housework at the end of the week is too much, but I’ve found if I can do one little task each night, it doesn’t feel overwhelming at the end of the week.-Rasika

Honestly, use this as an opportunity to talk about things you couldn’t control when he was an assistant, such as when meetings are and how long they lasted. Y’all can now pick times that work for your family. 

Enjoy it, it’s hard because people will blame him first but get to know the team and the parents as much as you can. I am not saying be best friends with parents but trust me they know who you are and most will genuinely want to know you and not just for playing time. Yes, I know there are exceptions. 

Also, think about how the things you liked that other hc wives did or things you  didn’t like and make those changes. -Kristen

Remember first and foremost to give it to God. Second always remember he loves you and needs your support. He is not choosing work over you, it is his job responsibility. As said above, Give Grace and more Grace, to yourself too. I’ve been a coaches wife for over 34 years, raised 4 girls in the process and like everyone else, I have went through the ups and downs. It’s not an easy life but it’s a great life! The people we have met through the years are lifelong friends. Your support group is enormous! Have a great year! -Jacque

Give your self lots of grace and don’t feel like you have to do anything any other HCW does. I promise every season will look different based on your season of life and that okay. Get you a CW friend not on your staff that you can be honest and transparent with. - Brittany 

Have patience, don’t ask to many questions when he gets home, give him a few to decompress. 

Ask for ways to help him, be involved. I always make treats for Sunday meetings for the coaches, make treats for the players for the players of the week. 

I also don’t except much from him at home during the season I let him do his job and understand that. 

I always try to connect with the other wives and do things with them. Sit at games, celebrate each other’s birthdays, give gifts at the beginning of the season. Make it fun. We also make it a ministry together for the coaches, wives and players.

Another thing we do is on Saturday morning we try go have breakfast somewhere together and enjoy the mornings before he starts watching film. -Wendi

You don’t have to have it figured out immediately. Take your time to settle in and figure out how you want to be and do things. And it can change depending on what stage of life you are walking through. There’s no one way to be a head coach’s wife! - Jess

#1 - Don't feel pressured to implement everything all at once, it's ok to do one thing this season, add in another thing next season, etc.

#2 - You'll get a lot of great ideas here - but give yourself grace!  Some things just won't make sense for your family, your program, or your part of the country - and that's ok!  do what works for you! -Ayana

BONUS IDEAS

• Have a dinner with every new coaches family that joins the team after you. 
• Be very communicative about schedules and family opportunities. 
• Make sure the fellow wives and families no they are ALWAYS welcome to sit, wherever you sit whether in the stands or on the field.
• Make a wives basket and stash it in the office somewhere. Extra snacks-wipes-drinks- extra set of clothes- hat-umbrella-emergency things.
• Introduce the new wife to the group chat don’t just add them. 
• Text the new wife separately immediately after hire and welcome them, give a run down of the team and family. 
• Be inclusive. Don’t be selective of who you talk to.
• The man is drinking from a fire hydrant, show some grace
• Remember that your family's calling is bigger than your comfort. God is bringing you out of your comfort zone to grow you both. But you can still find peace during this time if you keep your eyes focused on Jesus.