"It's not you, it's me."
I used to struggle with commitment issues. Not in terms of my relationship with coach, just in terms of almost every other relationship I have had with people and even places.
Most people don't realize that a coach's job isn't safe as long as he is winning. Sometimes, that puts his job more at risk. Because other people, like a head coach, the Athletic Director, fans, alums, or donors, can affect his job status, he could be doing everything right and still not know if he will stay or go when the clock hits zero on the season's final game.
I wish I were being overly dramatic. But when you spend so many years living year to year, never knowing what the postseason will bring, that tends to affect how you interact with others. And it tends to get to those of us who have even less control over whether we stay or go.
With People:
I would avoid building genuine relationships and connecting with people because I was never sure how long we'd be in their lives. While that old cliche was technically true, I became overly comfortable using it as a shield to keep people away. I would take the easy out and say I couldn't do x, y, or z when asked because of something coaching-related when it might have only taken minimal effort to find a solution.
I also wasn't sure who was there for me or for "who I was." I honestly don't buy into the idea that we are of such worth that people would want to use us, but I've seen it enough to know other people definitely do. And it's happened to us enough for me to be suspicious of new people.
Not to mention that my mind would spiral into "What if they thought we were being fake the whole time." It's safe to say most people can't comprehend being all-in one season and then wearing new colors the next.
For all these reasons, I was afraid of getting too close to people.
With Places:
If you think attachment to people gives me commitment issues, my connection to places is even stronger. There are entire towns associated with each stage of our lives. We have places that we would go to all the time when we first started dating.
We have different favorite places that we used to frequent when we were newlyweds. And I can't even begin to think about the places I'd always take my kids when they were little without my heart breaking just a little bit. I was terrified of never again being able to visit cherished places. It was safer to not explore a new town.
For this reason, I was afraid to find places that would become our frequent favorites.
But no matter your lifestyle, coaching or not, relationships are complicated and take a lot of energy and effort to build, whether with people or places. And even though I have realized there's more harm than good in having commitment issues, I still find myself scared to dive in fully.
Even now, five years into our area, I am scared to admit that I adore our town and all the people we've met and just how deeply I love the life we've created here. Because, even if we wouldn't choose to, the reality is that it can be taken away from us.
But as coaches' wives, we know better than anybody that everything has a season. Whether it is an actual season, a stage of life, or a place in time, nothing is meant to last forever.
Think about it in terms of coach. He only gets a few years with each of the players. What if he had commitment issues? Then there's no point in his job. The ministry side of it is entirely void.
Just because people and places can be temporary in your lives and on your journey, that doesn't take away from their ability to impact you profoundly or for you to affect them deeply.
I can tell you another cliché line of "there's no use in worrying about tomorrow," but I can also confirm that's easier said than done. But I encourage you to try to stop worrying about the "when" it'll end and enjoy it while it's happening.
Don't let your commitment issues stop you from fulfilling your ministry as a coach's wife, no matter where you are and no matter for how long you are there.