I can’t sit in the stands. And it might not be for the reason you immediately think of. I have a tendency to rise, or if I am being honest, one-up, the obnoxiousness of the visiting team. It’s not a good look for my coach or me, so needless to say, I just don’t sit in the stands unless it’s completely unavoidable.
I would assume your initial thought for my avoiding the fans was for another reason. We all know them, those fans in the stands who think they know more than our coach does.
“He should run this play.”
“He should start that player.”
“Why does he have them doing this?”
“What is he thinking making them do that?”
What they say may differ, but the point they are getting at is the same... they think they know more and that things would work out perfectly if only coach would call it their way.
You know who I am talking about. Every coach’s wife's favorites: the bleacher coaches.
You know who I am talking about. Every coach’s wife's favorites: the bleacher coaches.
We have been lucky enough to have wonderful parents season after season. For the most part, they don’t question our coaches. Or, at least, they keep it to themselves or their trusted inner circle. And I think that’s because they know the coaches put in a lot of time, effort, and care into taking care of their boys, on and off the field. They know that our coaches want it more than even the players do. And I am not just talking about the wins and the championships. I mean the learning, growth, resilience, adaptability, and, most importantly, the lifelong extended family. They want all of the above for the individual and the team, and they do what they do to help everyone achieve it.
But what would you say if I told you that we, as coaches’ wives, do the exact same thing, but to the highest “coach” of them all: God.
If you are to survive this lifestyle, the best thing that you can do is trust that God is sovereign over your journey and coach’s path. But that doesn’t stop us from being bleacher coaches when things aren’t going the way we expected or think is best.
“Why did he get fired?”
“Why do we have to move?”
“Why didn’t he get that job?”
“Why is He letting this happen?”
For one reason or another, I have found myself questioning a lot, okay, most of the “plays” that God has called for our family. But over the last 22 years in this industry, I have watched as the “game” unfolded and can now see what He was doing, and how it was for our best.
So this is a reminder for me as much as for you. You're not "sitting in the stands" of life, meeting or exceeding the unpleasantness of the opposing fans and the bleacher coaches.
Get on the field, huddle up with God, learn the playbook, and listen for His calls. Not every play will go the way you want it, but that doesn't mean He doesn't know what He's doing. And as the Audible or the Hail Mary that He has put into motion plays out, try not to question His knowledge or desire. Just like our coaches, He wants our success even more than we do. And He does what He does to help us achieve it.
He sees what we don't see, and He knows things we don't know; the past, present, and future are all in His hands. While God’s ways are beyond us, don’t forget that He is on the “field” with us. So, don't be a bleacher coach.
***This space is about supporting the women behind the sidelines. We’ve created a few favorite wear-on-repeat pieces inspired by this life, just in case you want to check them out!***
Jess Gilardi is a lacrosse coach’s wife living on the East Coast. They have three kids and have been living this life since 2004. She was a mental health therapist in the school system before becoming the full-time chaos coordinator for the family (a.k.a. stay-at-home mom). Jess started writing, hoping that by sharing her stories and lessons learned, she might help others learn “the easy way.”