I'm not a crier.
I didn't cry when he proposed.
I didn't cry at our wedding.
I didn't cry for the birth of either of my boys.
I do cry when we cut down the nets.
I have cried at every district win and every state basketball send-off in my husband's career.
So why cry for sports and not my wedding?
This will sound boring and not romantic, but I knew we would get married. And we prayed and God blessed us with kids. (Although, getting and maintaining pregnancies wasn't as easy as planned, and there were tears along the way. As well as many tears parenting.)
In one of the hardest seasons of his career, he was about to be let go from his first head coaching position. It sucked. No other way to state life as we knew it.
Friends and family would say, "Is it worth it?" "Why to continue," and "He doesn't get paid enough to withstand this."
I never saw him. He was always stressed. He missed meals, missed bedtime, missed all the things.
I asked, "Is it worth it?"
Then I read a book written by a coach's wife. In this book, it said something to the effect of "it's his way to serve."
At first, I was mad because he should "serve" his family, not the school, parents, or players.
Then, I thought about what it means to serve God. We all serve by the way we lead our lives.
To serve means to serve others. You don't need to be in the pulpit to serve. I serve by training and volunteering. Others serve by helping people with finances or car repairs.
Coaches serve by dedicating their lives to building the next generation of dads, husbands, and professionals. What kind of wife would I be if I said he chose to serve wrong?
I knew asking him to let go of coaching was like asking him to give up who he was at his core. He was made to lead.
I also knew he loved me enough to give it up if I asked.
If even one player can look back and say they learned work ethic, love of family, and how to lead with firmness and kindness, then he served his purpose as a coach.
He tells our boys, "The best way for me to show you my love is to love your mom." There are many boys who have no role models of love, family, or kindness.
A coach must lead by demonstrating accountability, support, leaning on each other, and guiding communication strategies, among other things.
To Serve Others.
Isn't that what's wrong with the world? Have we lost sight of "serving others?" Coaches role model this daily.
Serving others is the essence of being on a team, doing more for the sake of the team, not self.
So why do I cry when we cut down the nets?
I know in my heart that the coaches served a role in the lives of those boys. It's the culmination of years of dedication, and no win is given. It's earned. The young men are changed by dedicating months of blood, sweat, and tears for our school.
I cry because the school we serve allows our family to be fully invested in the character of our youth. Monday mornings will continue to be character development. We will continue to serve by sharing meals, high-fives, hugs, prayers, and leading by example.
We will continue to love one another and share our successes and hardships in marriage and parenting so that they may see the dedication and work it takes to serve as a spouse, member of a family, and teammate.
**If you are struggling with forgiveness or gratitude, I recommend the book 8 To Great by Mary Mueller. The principles take practice but are incredibly worth it. My hardest lesson in life was to forgive those who didn't think they did anything wrong.