The craziest and most adventurous thing I've ever done in my lifetime was take a bus from Chile to Argentina by myself while I was studying abroad during college. (Sorry, mom!)
The second is moving away from my city hometown to pursue my career in the Spanish radio industry.
In both cases, the plans included returning from where I started.
Only that, one of those plans got lost in the shuffle, and boom! Almost ten years later, I found myself married with children...and not in my hometown.
In the beginning, my husband, Wes, and I saw one another only on weekends. I was living 15 minutes away from work while he was a few towns over, coaching.
As the coin would land, it made the most sense for me to move (again) and commute one hour from the countryside to the station.
Then, March 2020 hit...while pregnant with our first.
As the pandemic progressed along with my belly, ultimately, we decided commuting was no longer sustainable. As I closed that career chapter, Wes was being promoted to Athletic Director.
We knew it came with more responsibilities and duties but, more importantly, time away from home.
Since I was still in career limbo, accepting was a no-brainer.
Eventually, I'd find a new job, and we'd also welcome our second son.
While life consisted of bottles and tantrums, softball, wrestling, football, and every other sport in between became part of our lives, too. While Wes was away for meetings or games, I was primarily at home with the kids, alone.
And almost four years later into motherhood, I died.
Kinda.
My soul was on fire, and not in a good way.
So, I did what I do best: make moves.
I signed up for a Yoga Teacher Training certification program, hoping all of life's problems would disappear! The problems were what, again?
Only recently had I mentioned I was interested in doing something, anything, for myself. Naturally, as my personal hype-man, Wes was ecstatic I'd be back practicing at the same studio I had stopped going to because of shutdowns.
Then, I mentioned the schedule.
"But I have basketball."
Somewhere between me throwing daggers from my eyes, steam fuming from my ears, and trying not to lunge across the couch to strangle him, I sobbed, "And what have I been doing all these years? What about MY schedule?!"
Then came all the emotional vomiting of the longing to be creative and expressive, the desire to be in my own space sans the wife or mother title, to have something that belonged just to me.
Spoiler Alert: I became a certified yoga instructor.
During the three months of training, I reflected through storytelling and journaling. I told my group that I took part in this experience so that I could, for a moment, be free.
I shared the difficulty of being in a wonderful marriage yet feeling a sense of resentment toward Wes—after all, he gets to pursue his career in his environment, alongside his closest childhood friends.
And how inspiring it is to see your husband blossom out of his shell yet somehow still feeling left behind from progressing from mine.
To be honest, I was relieved that training was over. It was tough juggling the kids, work, and finding the time to complete the requirements.
More importantly, however, I knew I couldn't have participated without my family or Wes. And then, one of my yoga teachers mic-dropped me.
"Kass, you've shared you've felt held back from achieving or accomplishing because of life's circumstances. But maybe the people who you've felt have held you down are the same people who have actually set you free."
Weeks later and into the Spring sports season, I played with the feeling of being lost in my husband's shadow.
Not to toot my own horn, but because of my fearless spirit, Wes has traveled the world, embraced his boundaries, became a YouTuber, and thrives in his career. At times, it's felt while he's living his best life, all I got out of the deal were empty moving boxes and wider postpartum hips.
I started thinking that maybe I've been putting emphasis on "successes" as external matters. After all, I'm a go-getter and goal-oriented chica who is grateful for what I have but is typically looking to push the limits of achieving a pinch more.
Then, I had my own mic-drop moment.
"What if my purpose in Wes' life is to teach him how to be courageous that reflects externally…and what if his purpose in my life is to teach me how to be courageous that can only be felt internally?"
Then, I did what I also do best: I cried.
I realized that while I've been looking for the next big and exciting thing to happen, as in yoga, life is in the NOW. I don't want to get to the championship game of life and not even know how I got there.
While I'm still navigating and working through deep emotions and handstands, I can think back to my "second craziest adventure" and smile that my plans didn't quite turn out how I had anticipated.
Because throughout all of the heckling, whistle blows, and buzzards of life, I know I can always return back to the start…only this time, with Wes.
Author's Note: As always, I shared this piece with my husband. Wes knows that I've been sorting through what we like to call this season- Benched. He says a majority of what his life looks and feels like today is because of me. The other night, as we wrapped up our conversation around this story, Wes shared that even though it felt like he'd been center stage, what I may not realize is that I've left my handprint on everything all this time. And that, he says, is definitely worthy of tooting my horn.
Kassie Borba: As if I don't have enough on my plate as an Athletic Director wife, mama to two littles and working full time as a mortgage loan officer, I can often be found browsing bookstores or getting a sweat in through yoga, Barre or at the gym. I currently reside in the California Central Valley and love my life with my sports family.