It’s no secret—being “married to the whistle” comes with a unique set of experiences for a coach’s wife.
Amid careers, parenting, finances, holidays, and the normal stressors of daily life, the sports season(s) we immerse ourselves in can significantly impact coaching families. Any given season holds the power to be either life-giving and fuel our purpose or feel heavy and burdensome. The nuances surrounding a sports season can influence us to feel as if the weeks are fleeting, wishing we could bottle up the joy to keep forever, or as if we’re trudging one cinderblock foot in front of the other toward a finish line, counting down the days until the clock hits zero.
After twelve high school football seasons alongside my husband, I have lived both extremes. We’ve been on coaching staffs where families are tight-knit and deeply involved in the program, and on staffs where families were very disengaged and uninterested in any connection with the team.
Our time in both types was valuable because those experiences ultimately helped shape our philosophy on what makes a great season for coaches’ families.
In 2022, my husband stepped into the head coaching role for the first time, and we finally had the opportunity to build a program that embodied what we value and believe in. His new leadership position caused us to pose this question:
How do we ensure our families aren’t simply enduring the season, but thriving in it?
There are endless caveats to a playbook for the perfect season. Each coaching family is different—they value different things, have different likes and interests, different resources, or even different preferences on their personal involvement with the program—and that’s okay! While there’s no trick-play cure-all to sweeten the experience for all dynamics and expectations among staff, there are certainly commonalities between schools and staffs that (typically) have happier, more engaged coaching families.
If you’re finding yourself with the desire for more, I’m so glad you’re here. Here’s 3 things I’d add to “The Coach’s Wife Playbook” for a life-giving experience throughout the long sports season:
1. Build meaningful relationships. Okay, I know I said there’s no cure-all to a great season—but THIS is the trick play, this is the bread and butter of your “offense” as a coaching family. Life was never meant to be lived alone! It’s so important to build relationships with the other families living in the trenches with you. If making new friendships doesn’t come naturally to you, it might require stepping out of your comfort zone and making intentional time for conversations with other wives. Cookouts, game nights, meetings at the park with kids—there are many ways to foster connections that carry over into the grind of the season and ultimately lighten the load. The more of a family unit the staff families become, the more likely the season will be enjoyable and personal!
2. Get involved with events or start new traditions. If your home life allows, investing time in serving the team can be extremely rewarding. Especially at the high school level, most teams have booster clubs with many opportunities to get involved. At our school, we’ve worked with our Touchdown Club to create fun new events and experiences that have become some of my favorite memories! Whether it’s an event for the moms of your athletes, or a tailgate party, or a denim-decorating night for playoffs—adding special touches to your year (and taking a hands-on role in facilitating those activities) can really provide you a sense of ownership over your experiences with the program, which can lead to a more fulfilling impression overall.
3. Learn to love the sport. Talk to your husband about the sport, the program, how practice went, which parent caused a scene in the stands last week… We all love piping hot tea, after all?! But in all seriousness, if the love of the game itself is a giant roadblock between you and a positive connotation of the season, I truly encourage you to get curious and learn! If you struggle to follow the sport your husband is coaching, try asking questions, expanding your vocabulary, and taking time to understand the fundamentals. You just might start to enjoy watching games a little more! And if conversations about the ins-and-outs of the job are rare between you and your coach, I dare you to say “babe, would you pull up Hudl and show me what you’re game-planning for next week?” and see what happens. You can thank me later! ;)
While the season may look vastly different for so many coaching families, I truly believe intentionality and connection are the X’s and O’s to a joy-filled experience for coaches’ wives.
Here’s to 2026—may this year hold the best season yet!
**This space is about supporting the women behind the sidelines. We’ve created a few favorite wear-on-repeat pieces inspired by this life, just in case you want to check them out!**