There’s only one right way to be a coach’s wife, and that is being true to yourself.
In whatever way you choose to serve (or not) - stop the comparison game. You were made for your spouse, and although their profession encompasses so much of our lives and can even dictate the schedule, it doesn’t mean you have to be all in on all of it all the time.
Here is your permission to fill your cup first.
If anyone asks why, tell them a veteran wife told you you could.
Our daily schedule, our together time, and our time to ourselves revolve around the schedules that we had zero input on.
- If you want to show up to it all, if that fills your cup, do it.
- If one game a week and wearing school colors is all you can muster…
- If having a meal waiting in the fridge for him is all you can do…
- If supporting him by giving yourself the night off and treating yourself to some self-care…
- If making brownies for 100 teenagers brings you joy…
- If all the above, or none of the above, makes you feel fulfilled – it is still enough.
In the age of comparison culture, it can make us feel as if we aren’t connected enough or aren’t “pulling our weight” in this life, but the reality is we are all already carrying too much.
There are years that I have been all in – at every single game (my husband coached three sports) and never missed an event. Then there are years when I barely muster the energy to get to one a week.
In both scenarios, I was still a good wife. My husband is now an athletic director. I do graphic design, and the way I contribute is by taking him to dinner and creating signage, tickets, gameday graphics, and more for him. Not because I must or it’s expected of me, but because that’s how I feel connected and what brings me joy.
I’m not encouraging 24/7 selfishness or saying not to get involved at all because being involved in some way does prevent resentment in this job. But what I am doing is giving you permission to choose yourself over everything else when you need to.
And in case anyone hasn’t told you lately, you are doing an incredible job, you are an incredible wife, and the impact that your family will have on these children as they grow into adults is far more of a winning record than any scoreboard will ever show.