If I’m being honest, I absolutely hated the coaching lifestyle for the better part of the first decade. I used to tell myself a lot of “I’ll be happy when…” stories.
For example, I’d assure myself that when the conditions were just right, exactly like I wanted, I could easily be a “good” coach’s wife. Or, I’d dream of the day when I had a great town, the perfect school, and some influence over the person in charge of the schedule because those things would make me happy. I also told myself that I could be a better coach’s wife if I didn’t have to worry about balancing the kids’ nap times, snack breaks, and short attention spans.
God has taught me important lessons about each of these “I’ll be happy when” stories. So if you’re telling yourself a similar dream of a better life story, I hope you’ll consider what I’ve learned through the years.
I’ll Be Happy When We’re Settled
I felt like one of the things keeping me from my happily ever after was all the moving. I’d spent all my time going back and forth between wanting to go back to where we just moved from and obsessing over the idea of the next place. I had a hard time living in the present. It always felt like a waste of time. I struggled with trusting that it was worth the investment. I didn’t think it was possible to be happy “here” when I knew eventually we’d have to leave. But one thing that I’ve learned about the coaching lifestyle is that once you’re finally settled and have your footing, that’s when the call comes again to move. You probably will never feel “settled” enough.
I’ll Be Happy When He’s Head Coach
Since my coach was an assistant for 15 years, this was the one I clung to the longest. I spent the majority of my time wishing, plotting, and waiting for the way my husband would finally become a head coach. I held tight to the belief that I would finally be happy once he had (a little) more say in the day-to-day schedule. All I saw as an assistant coach’s wife was what the head coach could do that an assistant couldn’t.
The head coach sets the tone and schedules the workflow, so I reasoned we’d have more time when my husband was in charge. But I overlooked all that the head coach had to do and all the responsibilities that rested solely on him.
I didn’t factor in all the paperwork, budget balancing, media interviews, discipline for broken rules, and other duties a head coach handles. Not to mention all the work that goes into leading a program with a positive culture and good team chemistry. I was so focused on the head coach being the face of the program, I didn’t stop to think that he was also the shoulders on which everyone leaned and everything rested.
I’ll Be Happy When The Kids Are Older
The family stage with young kids is difficult, but being new to town and living far from family made it much more difficult. I would tell myself when I wasn’t growing another human and/or chasing around tiny versions of myself, I’d have a moment to start to figure out how to be happy. If I didn’t have to work around nap and feeding times, I could be more flexible for road trips and play-off games. Constantly and consistently having to be the one our kids relied on was exhausting, and I had very little left to offer in the way of support for my husband and the team. But now that our kids are a little older and somewhat independent, I’ve learned that having children of any age will always exhaust and consume me to some extent. The reasons will change as our kids enter new life stages.
I’ll Be Happy When They Are Winning
We’ve experienced a few rocky starts to the season, as well as times when the losses just kept coming, and it didn’t seem like there was anything we could do to stop it. It is frustrating and heartbreaking to watch the athletes and the coaches put in the work on and off the field day in and day out, yet that effort doesn’t translate to a winning record.
I used to think I’d be happy when the program reached the level of success and recognition that my husband quite honestly deserved. But, I experienced firsthand that more wins can also mean more problems. We spent many post-seasons in limbo because the success meant more programs were interested in him as their head coach. Additionally, the pressure and expectations that come from doing well can also steal people’s love of the game.
What I’ve learned, however, is that none of the stories I used to tell myself bring happiness. If you let it, there will always be something else to rob you of joy.
Look for the Joy in Today
I’ve learned to be happy today because that’s all we’re guaranteed. It’s a universal truth, but coaches’ wives tend to need more frequent reminders to live in the moment. So, here’s my encouragement from the lessons I’ve learned.
Stop waiting and enjoy the season that you’re in. There’s a lot to be grateful for if you pause to look for the joy in today.
*originally published on Lessons From The Sidelines*