And if you haven't thought of them yet, just give it time.
So here are some common thoughts of a coach's wife (as told through Dan+Shay lyrics)…
I think it is safe to say that none of us would have chosen the path that our lives took once we fell in love with a coach. All the moves and last-minute changes in plans are challenging, even for the most laid-back of us. But I can guarantee that there are people and places at each school you've been at who have changed you for the better and who you've helped, too. A life never knowing them just wouldn't be the same.
Okay, maybe not "forever." We are coaches' wives, after all. But the commitment is pretty close to that sentiment. Coach takes a new job, and what feels like instantly, we are in love. We learn the chants, wear the colors, and find our people and places. It is hard for most people to comprehend how we can become so invested in a school, a program, and a whole bunch of players so quickly. But a coach's wife's heart definitely beats faster than your average person's, creating the ten steps ahead scenario.
I was ready to be the head coach's wife by year 2, at least, I thought I was. But it took 15 years as the assistant's wife to realize I wasn't even close to being ready. I needed to learn many lessons, sometimes over and over again, to be ready. And even then, I wasn't actually prepared for what was to come. I had just collected experiences and examples that helped me do the best that I could. God knows more than we do, so he takes us down a longer path to give us strength and prepare us for when the time IS actually right.
After 20 years, I can promise that the path you have taken is the one that was meant for you. Those heartbreaks and hard goodbyes make and shape you into your best self. I hope that if you can't believe this is possible now, you will trust me when I say, one day, you will.
The nature of this lifestyle guarantees storms, many storms. Whether it's losses during the season, a firing once it's over, or even just not the best time for your average everyday headache, the earth shakes a lot, and the clouds are typically too thick to see clearly. But I know we'd all take the storms since it means we'd be by coach's side.
And we all know that without us silently (for the most part) listening as he vents about and processes the storms and taking on more than our fair share at home, his shelter wouldn't be strong enough and eventually would break.
The more I listen to Dan+Shay songs, the more I hear my thoughts as a coach's wife sung beautifully back to me. Whether the highs or the lows, processing what we go through is cathartic and helpful.
The next time a negative thought about a difficult portion of this lifestyle pops into your head, see if there's a catchy melody that matches the feeling. It doesn't have to be Dan+Shay, that's just who I have on repeat. But it will help with perspective.
And the one thing I've learned in my 20 years in this lifestyle is that how we view things makes all the difference in the world.