They're Always Going To Talk

They're Always Going To Talk

No matter what level your coach works in, the gossip is just like high school. People are always talking. 

It's been a while since we've been involved in the rumblings and rumor mill side of this lifestyle. 

I almost forgot what it is like. 

But it's our turn again. They are talking about us

It might sound ridiculous if you're not a coach's wife, but we can feel when someone is talking about us. 

Whether in the stands, on social media, or out and about in the community, fans or parents having "better" ideas on how to run things or what calls to make are always part of the job. 

I've heard attacks on his character. He's honestly one of the greatest human beings I know. So that, I can laugh off. 

The comments about how he doesn't know what he's doing or how the person making said comments would do it differently (and better, obviously) don't hold an ounce of power. I know there's literally no one else more prepared than he is. These comments are so ridiculous that I can find them comical. 

I've even taken a glitter bomb that was delivered in the mail to our home. It was meant as an attack on coach. Luckily, I opened it outside, and there was no never-ending mess to clean up, so it made me just chuckle.

But now, in this case, it's that coach is getting fired. And that, I'm having a hard time ignoring. 

In the 20 years we've been in the sports industry, I have learned that you can do everything right and still get fired. So, I have a difficult time finding the humor in these comments. 

And this is the first time it's been specifically about my coach. Until now, it was always about his boss, but with how this world works, that meant him, too. 

The best part is that we just signed a five-year extension. The people talking don't know that, but I do. 

Yet, here I am, still worried about what they're saying. A little part of me wonders- could it possibly be true?

But the truth is: they're always going to talk

They talk about him when he's doing everything right:

  • That's the best recruiting class this program has ever seen. 
  • He's cultivated a culture of family and toughness. That's just what these boys needed. 
  • This is the best these boys have looked in a long time. Whatever he's doing, he's doing it right. 

They talk about him when he's doing everything "wrong." In fact, they're going to talk a whole lot more when the team's losing:

  • That's who he's got coming in? He let our rivals get the number one recruit. He must have said all the wrong things.
  • I heard the culture is terrible. All the kids are complaining. He needs to be nicer/tougher/smarter/stronger/etc. to get these kids in line. 
  • These boys just can't figure it out. What is he saying to them? Why can't he motivate them? He just needs to take more time to develop them. 

The difference isn't in what coach is doing. He constantly, consistently, and to the best of his abilities, does what is best for the team, the individual players, and the program. 

And contrary to what they think, he actually works and tries harder when people talk like he doesn't know what he's doing.

The difference is in the outcome that is beyond his control and their perspective of his value.

They're always going to talk, but 99% of the time, they are going to be wrong. 

They're always going to talk, but 99% of the time, they don't know what they are talking about.

They're always going to talk, and 99% of the time, I know it's easier said than done. But honestly, we shouldn't listen.


Jess Gilardi is a lacrosse coach’s wife living on the East Coast. They have three young kids and have been living this life since 2004. She was a mental health therapist in the school system before becoming the full time chaos coordinator for the family (a.k.a. stay-at-home mom). Jess started writing, hoping that by sharing her stories and lessons learned, she might help others learn “the easy way.”
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