When I started out as a coach's wife, I had a lot of expectations. I think we all do; it's just human nature.
But the longer we stayed in this lifestyle, the more I realized that my expectations for "how things were supposed to go" were holding me back from all this life had to offer.
By now, I am sure you've heard about *that* Bluey episode. Try to avoid being mentally and emotionally undone by its theme of moving. If you can look past that, it has a great message about how perspective is everything.
After storytime, Bluey tells her class that she is moving. So, her teacher tells her another story about a farmer.
One day, his horse runs away—bad luck. The next day, it returns with three other horses—good luck. One day, his son tries to ride one of the horses and breaks his leg—bad luck. The next day, soldiers come into town and make all the young men join the army, but the farmer's son can't because of his broken leg—good luck.
The type of luck was assigned by his neighbors to each event. But every time, the farmer just replied with, "We'll see."
Bad and good luck depend on the circumstances surrounding the event, not so much on the event itself.
In the beginning, I thought like Bluey. I had very specific expectations. I wanted to stay in my hometown forever. I figured if he waited long enough, eventually, my coach could work his way up to head coach.
That was really the only circumstance that I would label as good luck.
You can probably imagine that it didn't take too long for the life I expected to become increasingly out of reach.
- One week before our wedding, coach had an interview at a school 8 hours from home- bad luck.
- It turns out that the culture is toxic, so coach turns it down- good luck.
- Less than two months later, coach takes an offer from a school that is 7 hours away- bad luck.
- After some time, I started to get on board with our new location and would have loved it if that became our forever home- good luck.
- The head coach gets fired, jeopardizing my coach's job- bad luck.
- The new head coach wants to keep my husband on staff- good luck.
- Coach doesn't want to work for the new guy and takes a new job 45 minutes further away- bad luck.
It became so unrealistic that I eventually had to let go of what I thought my life was supposed to look like.
Towards the end of the Bluey episode, the mom defends the decision to move: "I think it could be good for our family." Bluey responds, "But it could be bad for our family."
Her mom answers, "It could. I wish I could tell you which one it was going to be, but I don't know. I guess we'll see."
Because I had defined the scenarios negatively, I initially held back and didn't make the most of the places we ended up. It was bad for our family, but only because I made it that way.
It was a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Once my mindset switched, so did my definition of good and bad luck. I tried to make the best of every new town. And every single time, it ended up being good for our family- really, really good for us.
After 20 years in this lifestyle and never knowing what to expect, I can now see how the jobs we wanted but didn't get and the ones we didn't want but took were actually everything working out how it was supposed to.
I can now look at losing seasons, firings, rejections, and all the other negative aspects of this job as having the potential to be good luck.
I just don't know all the details of the circumstances yet.
Our expectations can make or break our perspective. Be like the farmer. Be willing to say "We'll see" to whatever this lifestyle throws at you.