Every single year in the past, this has been a season of unknown for my family. And for me? Total anxiety.
Interviews and phone calls, text messages and job board scrolling.
After approximately 9 million moves and transitions, my coach is finally still and present where we are. Partly because the kids are getting older and partly because I said, "If I move one more time, I will lose my mind. And if you think I already have, try me." Kidding, kind of.
But I want to share something I've learned along the way.
In this industry, you'll hear this phrase a lot: "God puts you exactly where he wants you. He knows your needs better than you do."
And while I don't want to discount that, I want to be really careful summarizing the whole complicated theology of God's will in a pithy spiritual quote.
Because God also gives us free will and intuition and divine discernment, and when we pin our bad decisions on him, saying, "He took us where we needed to go even though it was hard," we miss the opportunity to be convicted that we never listened to him in the first place.
So here's an unpopular opinion: sometimes we end up somewhere in spite of God's desires for us—not because of them.
Just like our brother Jonah, we go places we're not supposed to go because we're human and want to do our own thing. Discernment and wisdom are of God, and when we feel anxious about a move, it can be fear of the unknown OR it can be divine insight.
However, sweet wife, God uses our bad decisions, too. They aren't wasted. Which means—be careful standing in the way of your husband learning a lesson the hard way.
Those seasons of opposition, those very deep valleys, even if they are self-inflicted, God can use those to draw you closer to himself.
In retrospect, we've made moves we probably shouldn't have. But my coach is softer and more humble now. I am more appreciative of meaningful community and more willing to step out of my comfort zone.
Those things can't be grown by mere effort. You can't just TRY to be more humble. You become more humble through trial—in realizing you're not nearly as fabulous as you thought and you do, in fact, need your Heavenly Father to step in and take control.
No move, no decision, will be wasted. Even the bad ones.
What I'm not saying is this: "It's gonna be great no matter what—just go wherever he wants to go. Be a supportive wife and hop on board. You signed up for this."
Because God gives YOU a spirit of wisdom and discernment, too. Use it. Share it.
And then, if you can tell his heart is set, if you begin to feel a tug to not stand in his way—even if you know it's wrong and it probably won't end well, even if you end up being right—know this: he will learn from it in the only way he can: by crawling through the fire.
You will learn from it, too, and God can use it to fill you with wisdom only earned by walking through it with him, holding your husband's hand. Those hard spaces are preparing you both for something else, something you might not have been quite ready for otherwise.
You will come out on the other side. And you can either walk in bitterness or wisdom. You choose.
And just like Jonah, you will get where you were always meant to go. It just might take a little longer to get there than you'd like.